Monthly Archives: April 2016

Motivational / Inspirational

Build Your Motivational Empire

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Motivation

It’s really hard to stay motivated all the time. I am always so positive in those first hazy moments of morning. The fresh new day is inspiring, like a clean, blank sheet of paper awaiting my pen strokes. I write mental motivational lists that are crumpled and tossed aside by mid morning. Whether it is about eating clean (my newest and latest personal goal), writing more prolifically (if it’s possible) or the long, lazy walk I promised I would take with the dog; inevitably I stop for an extra cup of coffee and the motivation and the oomph has flown out the window.  I find myself off task and increasingly agitated.

We all have dreams and goals for our lives. It’s oh so easy to pen a bucket list,  but hard to follow through. It is as if we set unacheivable goals, and hope someone sets it all up for our success. Even when I plan my days (often, and with plenty of unwind and down time for myself,) I find my motivation lacking by mid morning when the dog starts whining and all I want is another coffee and a nap. There are so many distractions that derail our chances of of achieving our goals, but the biggest obstacle by far is our selves. So here’s my take on how to stay motivated, whether to your giant end of the rainbow goal, or just to finish cooking breakfast.

Goals. I keep saying goals, and I’m not talking sports folks. This is your life, so decide how to live it. We can’t just say, for example, I’m going to lose 50 pounds and do yoga ten times a week. Small steps. First set an attainable, doable goal, say 10 pounds and yoga twice a week.  Write it down. I have a little section of notes on every page of my planner. Yeah, I know, a new concept for me (those who know me, stop laughing, I feel you) but it really helps. It lets me identify what I need to do each day. Of course if you looked at it you’d see all sorts of weird stuff, for example this week’s notes read : “Shameful, box garden, where were the bones?, plot Rye, dinner. ” No joke. Means nothing to you, but a week’s work for me. Since I’m looking to my “endgame”‘goal for this small section of time (I have 5 weeks left),  instead of freaking out by focusing on my large goal of finishing a 5000 word descriptive fictional piece with supernatural undertones, I broke it down. I know, you can’t see it; think plot, characterization, pastoral elements. Plot Rye is all about character development. Don’t ask. When (ok if) my submission is chosen I’ll send you all a copy. Promise.  Dinner is a reminder that my natives get restless around 6:30 pm.  By reflecting on all these smaller, more doable goals, I stay motivated and on task, making it easier to reach the goal post. (Ugh, the sports crept back in 😉) Maybe that will motivate you!

So, very important paragraph here. Internal motivation. This is easily the most incredible, and I cannot stress IMPORTANT thing to remember. We are programmed as humans to be motivated by both extrinsic (external) and intrinsic (internal) motivators. Extrinsic is more Pavlovian. You know, ring the bell, dog jumps, reward the dog. We are trained to perform certain behaviors (dear readers, I almost wrote circus behaviors) in order to receive rewards and prevent punishments. You can think work, but really it’s about competition. Think about a race or a contest where you are motivated to create, run, or something else for a prize reward. It’s more short lived, and therefore extrinsic. It requires others and other people’s validation, observation and reward, positive or otherwise. Intrinsic motivation is something we do for ourselves. Actually, probably one of the best positive, happy motivators we have. Intrinsic, or internal motivation comes from within. It is the moment deep in your soul that you decide you are going to set a goal and reach for it, even if it’s just making a cup of coffee. Intrinsic motivation encourages personally rewarding behavior, for example, when you change a habit or lifestyle. It takes work, but you see results and even if slow, still sends warm fuzzies and motivates you to keep on track.

Next, surround yourself with positivity. (Yes, I know, I made that word up, but it’s a good word. Maybe I’ll submit to the Urban Dictionary.) when you let yourself be in a negative, toxic environment, it is twice as hard to achieve your goals. Step back, away from the Negative Nellies and eliminate the dark places from your life. We all have demons, we don’t have to feed them. (Well I do, but that’s for another time.) Surround yourself with people who support and inspire you. Read books by authors you admire, visit inspiring place like museums, beaches and shoe stores, (Um, yeah, you read that right). Outside influences have a great power over our thoughts, emotions and goals. Keep it positive!

Be accountable. Your goal may be years in the making. It is a long time to stay focused and motivated, I know it’s so darn hard to wait, but it’s always worth it, trust me. My advice? Share your ambitions with others. Always tell a close friend or family member, so they can offer feedback and tough love when necessary. My mom is my biggest fan, but she’s really subjective, and I love her for that. Hubby is great at the tough love. I tell everyone I meet that I’m a writer. It keeps me on track, and the final train station is always in view. It helps me celebrate the small victories. This month was the launch of this very website you’re reading. Thanks again, and remember to share and pass it on. I’ll try to keep the good stuff coming. Motivate and inspire, yup, that’s my goal. Oh, and of course to share some of those yummy coffee beans with you (sip and slurp as necessary☕️.)

Ok, now, I beg of you dear friends and reader, celebrate your small accomplishments. Even the tiniest step forward is something to celebrate. It helps remind you of the bigger picture, the big trophy goal at the end. We all deserve some Kudos and Congratulations (ok, and maybe some really good chocolate) to motivate us to stay on track. Choo choo! Train is heading in the right direction!

Another way to stay focused and motivated is to write it down. I’m not talking about cryptic notes in your planner. Invest in a journal. JournalMine says “Brilliant Thoughts.” It’s leather bound with a quote from Henry Miller inside the front cover:  “Writing like life itself, is a voyage of Discovery,” and yes, that inspires me. Studies show that when we write things down, it yields a power. We are more likely to do, to achieve if there is something tangible to see as opposed to loose ideas floating dramatically in the left hemisphere of our brains. So grab a journal and list your goals, you can even document your journey. Looking back at your small successes will make you feel good, and that is intrinsic motivation my friends.

Last, but certainly not least, make it fun! If your dreams are boring and arduous you won’t like them very much. That leads to lack of positivity, productivity and motivation. Most goals worth reaching require blood and tears to be accomplished. My last nonfiction piece of a little less than 2000 words took me three weeks longer than I anticipated. Luckily I planned well so I didn’t miss the submission date. This work took a piece of my soul and crumbled it to dust, but I feel it really helped in the long run. When I clicked submit, I knew I had a victory, maybe not in the publishing, but in the finishing. I needed to vomit out that story, that piece of my past I tried to bury in the bowels of hell. And I celebrated. A glass of wine, and some heavy duty prayers to the Gods of Publication. (I’ll keep you all posted dear readers.)

Most of the time I have fun with my writing. I like a little humor (even if only I find it so) to lighten up what might be a serious subject, sometimes, life is just funny, and that is a gift. Especially to a writer. I like to shake up my ideas, and write in strange places (rough drafts anyway.) I penned an essay on Milton’s Paradise Lost in the loo at the North Arms, my apologies Dr. Henson, but you did grant me an A. (1080 and Guiness make good writing partners., lol. )Therefore, a reward, a prize, a motivation.

Let me leave you with my top ten ways to stay motivated:

  • Music
  • Wine
  • Wander
  • Chocolate
  • Coffee (with a good book)
  • Doggie Cuddles
  • Bird Snuggles
  • Call your Bestie
  • Memory Lane (old photos)
  • Shoes

How do you stay motivated? Have you celebrated your accomplishments? Share your thoughts, hopes, dreams or other in the comments.

Thanks and stay motivated and caffeinated!

 

 

 

 

Awareness, Motivational / Inspirational

Be Kind, Rewind

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Kindness

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. Dalai Lama

Rewind back the movie of your life. Think about the extra marshmallow in your cocoa, the time you weren’t picked last at PE, the college roommate who graciously gave you the desk by the window. Smile a little, I know you want to. Feel the warm fuzzies.

I have learned that kindness is a commodity. We trade it on the stock market  of life, exchanging shares of thoughtfulness for happy times. Kindness is priceless, but easily obtainable for everyone. The way we treat other people, when we are mindful and thoughtful, reflects back directly upon our selves. We are perceived in the world at large through our words and actions, even by the things we don’t do. By thinking about how we move through life, we can all be kinder, gentler, more mindful.

Mindful. This word keeps popping up everywhere you look. It’s about attitude, habit and a way of life. Being mindful is necessary to evolve to a life of kindness. If we are thoughtless, selfish, and narcissistic, then it is nearly impossible to be kind. Thoughtlessness (is that a word?) leads to unkindness; innocuous words and self absorption declare your intent to the world.

Mindful. It is meant to make you think. To be reminded of kindness. To witness and participate in random acts of kindness. We all tear up when we see the heartwarming segments on the local news. Police officers in cold cities giving shoes, blankets and coats to the homeless, etc. I like the idea of being mindful.

It is important to be mindful in all personal interactions. Thoughtful people are generous friends; the ones who lend a sympathetic ear, the ones who lift your spirits when all seems dark and hopeless.

Learn to approach each person in your life with your full, undivided attention. Put away the cell phones, the text can wait. Stop scouring Facebook when you’re on the phone, turn off the TV when your kids come in to talk. You won’t regret it, because by tuning out, you’re tuned in to reality, and life, love, gratitude and kindness. Learn to approach each person in your life with your full, undivided attention. Be merciful, smile, and interact with genuine warmth, compassion and gentleness. Don’t we all deserve this kindness?

Something to ponder:  when we treat others with kindness, even on the days we are fighting our own demons, we change. Warm fuzzy balls of happiness, yup, happy feelings form, making those happy hormones (remember them, see The Art of Being Happy) kick in and we in turn feel better.  It’s a great way to create a positive circle of kindness, empathy and beauty.  Kindness is evolutionary and transformative. It infuses your life and  changes the way we see the world.  It seeps into your relationships, making them more positive and energized. If you’re a parent, it is a life lesson for your children – as their first teacher, your positivity and grace will guide them to a life of being mindful of others (see, that word again!). It will engage their higher sense of learning, compassion and empathy.

So how can we choose to change and to be more “mindful” which really translates to being kinder? (Yes, I know I’m probably condensing the whole theory, but this all popped into my head during a meditative walking state.) I think we can practice kindness by following some very simple rules.

First, don’t gossip. With all the technology at our fingertips, it is easier to get misinformation, spread it around like rat poison and REALLY hurt someone. Sometimes irrevocably and irreconcilably. It is so easy to forget, especially in our fast paced, need to know everything yesterday society, that sharing gossip, a false post, etc. is always at somebody else’s expense. This is not a kindness to you or to them. Gossips are ugly and vindictive.  Keep it to yourself. If you are concerned, mindfully, gently approach the subject. Share your empathy, your shoulder, a smile.  Sometimes that is the biggest, kindest thing you can offer.

Naturally, now that we are mindful (I’m really liking this term) not to gossip, the next rule is to show empathy. Take a minute and put yourself in the other person’s place. Often they have been or are going through hard and tough times,  and are facing many daunting challenges. Seeing it from their POV, from a different perspective, is often enlightening. It can change your whole view of them, and the situation. Everyone has demons to fight, and kindness helps to keep those incessant roars at bay.

Thirdly, move beyond the past. Let go of grudges. I know firsthand how difficult this can be. When I rewind, I see the bullies, the liars and the horrible events that shaped my destiny. If I let go, I am being kind to myself. We all must be kinder and gentler to ourselves. Holding onto anger and grudges exhausts us mentally, skews our visions for the future and stresses us out unnecessarily. The only time holding a grudge is a good thing is as the plot of a bad Japanese horror film. (Sorry Hollywood)

Next, I want to reiterate that word – mindful. Be mindful in all things. What you out into your body (clean eating makes for clean living. Clean living makes for clean thinking, which in turn generates kindness.) Be mindful how we treat others – a little kindness goes a long way and is often reciprocated. Kindness can be paid forward.  Make sure you extend your new found kindness to yourself as well as to others. You’ll feel lighter, more positive and be more successful. (Ok, maybe you have to work hard for the success)

So to sum it all up, I think mindfulness and kindness go hand in hand. It I s not easy to be kind in all interactions,  it takes effort to always think of others. When we touch another’s life, through a kind word or a graceful public thanks on Facebook, a hug in the produce aisle, or just listening over a cup of morning beans (sorry, couldn’t resist folks – you all know of my penchant for coffee) our own lives are touched as well. We change. We evolve. We become thoughtful, mindful, kind people who bask in the light, not wallow in the dark. Spring has arrived, so take some time to deep clean the chaos from your soul. Make room for goodness. Uncomplicated, uncluttered, untangled, thoughtful. Mindful.  Practice random acts of kindness and grand gestures of mindfulness. It’s  a simpler, happier way of life.

Have you ever been the recipient of a random act of kindness? Perhaps you are the mindful listener, giver and all around friend hugger! Share your story in the comment. Kind thoughts, gentle words and virtual hugs to all.

Holidays, Memories

Something A Little Different

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image

This week, Jews around the world, from the most secular to the ultra orthodox will be celebrating Passover. It is a time to recall the story of the Exodus from Egypt, of the many miracles God gave to ensure religious freedom. Jewish tradition calls for two nights sitting around the table at the Seder (which means order), reading this story from the Haggaddah. It is a feast of freedom not just for the Jewish people, but for the soul.

I myself have  many memories of Passover. As a child, I missed out on most of the preparation, and therefore my grandmother’s comments about still being enslaved (only now to the myriad of yummy delights) in the kitchen literally passed over my head. Thirteen souls, uncles, aunts and cousins, descended each April upon my grandparents home. A sunny two bedroom in a Florida retirement community, we were pretty creative about setting up our own spaces. Upon arrival from the airport, we were assaulted with the scents of cinnamon, almonds and roasts; all with the warning ” Do NOT eat these yet, they’re for Passover.”

Seder nights my grandparents opened their home to friends and neighbors who were unable to travel to their families, or had no family, or just wanted to be a part of the boisterous meal that would ensue. The sunroom was transformed into a banquet hall of folding chairs and tables, pillows and candles. The crisp, salty smell of matzo ball soup permeated the house as each guest arrived. Our tradition was to read round robin from the Haggadah, the book containing the story of Exodus and the many mystical commentaries associated with it. Many humorous moments ensued, as seven children asked questions and added their own commentaries. Perhaps my favorite comment was from my then three year old cousin. We were talking about our forefathers. Suddenly she piped up loudly, “what’s? Four fathers? Who has four fathers? I only have one!”

As children, we followed the rituals, then overstuffed on roast, kugel and wine-cake, we competed to see who could stay awake the longest. I remember Seder nights lasting to the wee hours of the morning. One year we succeeded in staying awake so long, that we went into overdrive. With a second wind we had a massive pillow fight, dancing, falling and giggling long after we should have been asleep. The adults let us go at it while they cleared the tables to make room for the cots, flip chairs and other makeshift beds.

So why is this night different now?

As an adult there is the preparation. We should be forewarned. Being conservative or more in the Jewish faith means that your house turns upside down. It is spring cleaning like you’ve never seen. Every couch cushion, every track in the doors, the baseboards, cupboards, etc. is scrubbed and vacuumed. Even clothing gets sorted and put aside for donation. It is a massive undertaking. Perhaps the biggest challenge is the kitchen. The extensive preparation and the rituals involved mirror the intensity of the Passover story itself. No other holiday in the Jewish religion requires as much preparation or strict adherence to the many extra rules and restrictions of Passover. Even the most reform Jews make an effort to get rid of all leavened products, and bring out the special Passover china for meals. For the more religious, it involves deep cleaning the kitchen, clearing the pantries and breaking out the completely different (or new) sets of cutlery, dishes, pots and pans. It often means covering the kitchen counters with contact paper for more than the eight days, because after all, someone needs to cook the meals.

So what is it all about really? Besides faith, one of the biggest ideals in Judaism is the idea of “Tikkun Olam.” This literally translates to mean “repair the world.” It is a basic underlying theme, even at my children’s school, along with those seven habits (thanks Steven Covey, http://www.theleaderinme.org/the-7-habits-for-kids). In modern Jewish circles, the idea of Tikkun Olam has become interchangeable with the ideas of social action and the pursuit of social justice. (Credit here to an article on myjewishlearning.com) It is really sort of abstract, as it is more than just helping those in need. In the 16th century, Rabbi Luria stated that the world is made up of good and evil, and to balance the two, mankind must be involved in repairing the world. (Something I actually remember form high school) I take this to mean that as humans walking and living on this planet, we are responsible for its welfare. We have to take ownership for our actions to improve society world in general. I think Tikkun Olam explains environmentalism, charity and justice. It’s probably what propelled my crunchy granola self to be so inclined with PIRG groups, the Coalition for Safe Living, and the pipe dream of working on the Rainbow Warrior. I just want to save the whales, really.

Let’s talk about helping those in need. In the Passover Haggaddah it says, ” let all who are hungry come and eat. Let all who are in need come and share in the Passover meal.” I don’t see any delineation of religion, just the desire to help, to foster good will to mankind, and help those less fortunate. I do not actually know anybody who would invite a total stranger to their home, but maybe it’s time to consider those in our own communities who kitty be in need. Perhaps it is financial, or they are just alone with no place else to be, need is not always hunger.  Perhaps someone is simply curious. One of my closest friends, unaffiliated but very spiritual has spent several Seder nights at our table.  Need is the desire to be included, to share traditions, to help the lonely and unaffiliated feel less oppressed. After all, the Passover story is about freedom from oppression. Today, in such transient times, with many who are new to communities, out of work, or out of faith, we need to open our hearts just a bit. Begin with repairing the confidence of those in your community.  Smile at your neighbor, invite them for a coffee, or a meal; volunteer, invite, motivate. It’s a life brightener for everyone.

This year, as we celebrate this Spring holiday with family and friends, I hope to infuse both a sense of tradition and one of social awareness. For Jews, freedom is always tied to responsibility. We need to examine our lives and determine what still enslaves us, (literally and figuratively) that prevents us from reaching our true potential. This Passover, I am freeing myself. I will not stress over complicated recipes, but will focus on the bigger picture. I think the story of Passover is really one of Divine grace. It is about Gods love for the undeserving, about offering opportunity for self improvement in all aspects of life. The story of Exodus is a call to action, meant to intensify our belief and appreciation for being “chosen” and redeemed, I am choosing freedom over oppression, and I plan to use my powers this year to help fix the little things in the world that are within my reach. My Tikkun Olam starts here.  So for all of you who are hungry, I’ve got some extra chairs.

 

 

Bonus:

Savta’s Mock Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

2 cups matzo farfel                          4 eggs

2 cups matzo meal                          2/3 cup oil

1 1/2 cups sugar                               1 cup raisins

1 1/2 cups chopped nuts              1 teaspoon cinnamon

preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large bowl mix together all dry ingredients except raisins. In a small bowl beat eggs and oil together, add to dry ingredients. Blend well. Add raisins. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet. Flatte the mounds a little. Bake for 15 minutes or until edges begin to brown.

 

 

 

Motivational / Inspirational

Training Wheels

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I am a child of the seventies. I played outside until darkness descended. I climbed trees and rode in the back of a Volkswagon Karrmann Ghia where there was no real seat or safety belt. I learned to swim with my cousin Francis in a little creek behind Aunt Mary’s house in upstate NY. We skipped across slippery stones to walk unchaperoned through the small church graveyard, and we both came home with poison ivy from the small wooded area behind the school. I remember lots of pink, sticky Rhulicream and baths in baking soda and oatmeal to stop the itchiness. Uncle Frank let us run the trains up the attic. Though at the time I didn’t realize it, it was an idyllic childhood. Then came the training wheels.

At three I rode a Great Dane, pretending it was my horse, but then I progressed. A red tricycle gave way to a two wheeler. I loved it. I was comfortable riding my mauve Schwinn. It was a hand me down bike form Leslie, my grandparent’s neighbor. It had short, fat metal bars with training wheels attached and a two tone mauve and white seat. It was girly but I didn’t care. I flew up and down the block pretending it was a motorcycle, a horse, a plane. I rode around the neighborhood, zooming in and out of the driveways. Then, I outgrew the little bike. All four wheels wobbled sadly as we passed it on to someone else.

It was spring. My ninth birthday. I was surprised with a twenty inch purple Schwinn. It had a floral banana seat and a white basket with flowers attached on the front. The handlebars were a huge U shape. Any other children of my time will know, these were pretty dangerous. The streamers danced in the breeze, whipping around my wrists, tying me to the bike. I think it lived. Those shiny handlebars had a mind of their own. (I received several black eyes from mine over the years). Well, this was a big bicycle for me. I remember standing on tiptoe as mu Uncle held the bike steady. Well, we rode in a circle around Dock Road, and then the bicycle was put into my mother’s car for the ride home.

You weren't anybody special without that floral seat option!
You weren’t anybody special without that floral seat option!

There were no training wheels. I needed to learn to ride this bike by myself. I could barley touch the sidewalk when I sat on the floral seat. I remember holding the back of the seat, the metal ring there just to balance myself. My mom came out and held that metal ring until she thought I was OK on my own. I was wobbly, but there were no training wheels – I was riding! So i went around the back of our complex. The hill dared me. I was brave. It started out alright, but then I gained momentum – fast. My legs peddling as fast as I could pump them, I flew down the hill, through the parked cars, across the street and was stopped by the chain link fence. As the chain caught the bike between those handlebars and the front wheel, I flew over the top, a black eye of course, and a bruised behind. And all my neighborhood friends saw. There were expressions of horror and fear on their faces, needless to say I did not land gracefully. But I shocked them all. I stood up.

I had an epiphany as I was tossed over the handlebars. I realized that life was going o be about flying by the seat of my pants. I had to decide if I was weak or strong. The kids in Queens were pretty tough. No tears. I picked myself up, picked up the possessed bike, and walked back across the street. I was terrified. I still wasn’t balancing without the training wheels. I needed them. No. I needed to show those kids that I was strong. I was not the little weakling who would be picked on. I pulled my leg over the chain, straddled the bike and started to pedal.I lifted my sore behind off the seat, ignored the bloody knees, and I rode that purple monster to the top of the hill and home.

No more training wheels. This thought went through my brain over and over. I was a big kid now. I had reached beyond my comfort zone, literally. That’s what I am doing again. But now, the trainers are on my blog. It is time to take them off and ride hard through the tough critics. I am branching out and moving forward. Not only will I post here in the safety my my comfortable blog, but I am going to be bold and brazen.

The time to make myself a voice that can be heard is now. I have already begun my journey. I am attending an online seminar for bloggers and freelance writers. I am learning how to promote myself, send in submissions that WILL be published, and hopefully, how to make some money along the way as well. Starving bloggers do not write well. We just think about chocolate and cookies. Today I am taking off my training wheels. I am sending my website live, a shout out to the world that I can stand on my own. I am writing – words from the soul, words to move you, words to calm you or make you laugh. I’m taking my time and building my strengths, becoming a little braver each day. I’m not scared of that hill anymore. I’m ready to ride, ponytail flying behind me as I swerve to avoid the chains and fences. Hope you will stay for the adventure.

Motivational / Inspirational

Transforming Self-Criticism to Self-Love

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I had a drive to be perfect, especially in English class.

In grad school, I ended up in the psych department, stressed to maximum capacity. They suggested that I might be depressed. After several sessions, it was found that the ‘B’ I was receiving in a class on Shakespeare, my passion and subject of my BA, was the cause. My need for perfection in what I thought I had mastered, was making me slide into darkness. Turns out the ‘B’ was a punishment from the Professor – I apparently knew much more than he did.

I was a mess during the time period of figuring this all out, and I was afraid. The thoughts in my head kept reeling- ” you’re not good enough, not smart enough.” I was on a cycle of self-destruction. My adviser, the wise Dr. Diane Kutzer, finally took me aside. She told me that I was causing myself unnecessary suffering. She sat me down and asked me, ” Why are you so critical of yourself ? It’s obvious you have succeeded in your academic journey, but now you need to focus on your motivation.”

Pocomoonshine Mountain, Adirondack Park, NY

I was lost. I didn’t understand. Luckily, I lived in the Adirondack Mountains. There is a trail on the mountain Pocomoonshine, and I know it very well. After our meeting, I took a drive, and then a hike. At the summit I looked out over the lake and I screamed. Loud, long, guttural – from the pit of my belly. First, because I realized that I had lost the trail and scaled the rock face without the proper gear, and second, because I knew then that I would always strive for perfection. I realized I would need to learn to stop being so perfect, so self-critical if I was going to truly succeed. As I climbed down the trail, I tied to leave the worst doubts up on top, bringing a new determination back to my small apartment on the Saranac River.

We all have moments where we criticize ourselves. Have you ever been preparing a cup of coffee, and you spill the milk? You tend to berate yourself, even inside your head. I can drop a spoon and hear my brain saying “What is wrong with you – Butterfingers?” But I know this is just the negative critic in my head. I can be my worst enemy. I have learned that when I was younger, fear of the negative was what motivated me, and I paid a high price. I learned to stop. To just stay present and focus and breathe. I had to learn how to change myself, not to be so critical, not to self-hate or beat myself up. I would never be perfect (I’m only human after all)and why did it matter anyway?

Instead of punishing myself (which is really what all that stress was about) I have learned to motivate myself with little pats on the back. Praising the little things. I am excited when I see a new comment or follower. I am thrilled when I remember my grocery list, even though it is home on the kitchen counter. I feel better about what I actually accomplish and I am calmer and happier. If you need to shift your own self criticism, you need to stop trying so hard. You are not broken and don’t need fixing. Try a little love.

“I know quite certainly that I myself have no special talent; curiosity, obsession and dogged endurance, combined with self-criticism, Have brought me to my ideas.”
– Albert Einstein

I want you dear reader to do something for me. (Now I’m becoming interactive) The next time you notice that you are putting yourself into that box of critical self loathing, stop. Push the pretend pause button in your mind and give yourself a little love. Learn to accept yourself with all your failings. Give yourself a me hug. Come on- you know you want to.

Once you start to love yourself with all your faults, shortcomings and inhibitions,you will feel more at peace. Compassion and self-love will shift your actions and your moods. So what if the house isn’t white glove spotless, or dinner came from the take out place. You are happy, at peace and fulfilled. You wrote your article, painted a masterpiece, or even just got up and got dressed. We don’t have to be perfect to be happy on our journey through this world.

I believe that the happiest people are not necessarily the ones with no carry on bags; they have just learnt to stow it safely in the overhead bins, and to enjoy the ride. The more self-love and self-compassion we generate, the easier it is to feel love. This in turn makes it easier to give love, and enjoy the amazing trip on this planet called life.

I don’t hike anymore (well, it’s hard since a mountain in Florida is simply a speed bump), but I remember the day atop Pocomoonshine. It was a game changer for me, and I hope my experience helps you to have a lighter load. I’m far from perfect, but I am happy, (most of the time) and that has spread to others in my life. So tell your clothing piling, dust bunny hoarder, write, painter, crafty self that it is OK to make a few mistakes. A little self love makes it all worthwhile.

Motivational / Inspirational, Tips for writers

When Your Imaginary Friends Stop Talking

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Writer's Block

When Your Imaginary Friends Stop Talking (a.k.a. Writer’s Block)

I’m staring at the blank page before me. The red margins and aqua lines mock me. There are no words. I can only think of the coffee that is finally circulating through my system, hoping to awaken not only my physical self, but the sealed boxes in my mind. I am mute. Some days, like today, I cannot find the words. All my monsters and imaginary beings have abandoned ship, my inspiration silent. I know that all writers go through times like these; the frustration is horrible. What is there to do? I have a few secrets dear readers, and I am not afraid to share. Once in a while they fail, but often those imaginary monsters wake up with an opinion or an idea, and then I am off, pen running faster than the word train in my brain. (ha, I rhymed!)

So first off, let me assure that slamming my head against the wall, crunching paper into tight, angry balls and watching them pile up, and just dropping my weary head to the page do not work. The paper is silent, the pen dry. Prioritize. There are so many ideas cluttering the crevices in my mind, that none of them get air time. I find when I’m all cramped up like this I make lists. I start with groceries because that is easy. From there I expand into vacation spots, and trees (I know, but I have a thing for trees- they’re majestic and tall and curved with stories- but that’s for another post.) Which writing tasks do I need to accomplish first today? An outline, a random paragraph, perhaps some character development? When all else fails, that new medium for writers, social media, can grab a little time in the spotlight. There is always an inspiring picture for Pinterest, a quote I love to post on my Facebook page, or just simply checking my e-mail for writing tips from others. Sometimes a spammy ad in my inbox turns on the light and wake up my little monsters, and the voices start, the pen flies across the page,( unless you favor a keyboard) and Voila! no more writer’s block.

Next, I create some goals. I usually set mine up for the week, penning them into my calendar, but often, they need daily re-vamping. Writers need to be flexible, because you never know what opportunities present themselves. After all, writer’s block occurs mostly from our own self criticism. Sometimes I am so hard on myself that all thoughts are blocked and cannot move from the mind to the pen. (I’m old school first.) Most writers are a fickle bunch. It is imperative to have a goal, because otherwise let’s face it, we would be clicking on pins and quote all day. I never list my goals as simply “write” or “story edit.” It is far less daunting and more attainable if my calendar is broken into smaller, more do-able tasks. For example ; write a paragraph for current story, outline blog post, post to Facebook page, pin my last blog, etc.I also schedule myself time away from the pen and keyboard. A walk, coffee, meditation, lunch with a friend – these help keep the ideas fresh and flowing and the inner demons talking.

It is also important to remember my focus and my purpose. When I really get stuck, I try and remember why I write. I write to express myself, to share with and motivate others, to make people feel something, to educate (for other writers and bloggers?), and to let those demons have their say. All of this is both cathartic and rewarding, especially if you get published.

Another important thing to remember is that I am human and fallible. Some days will be truly unproductive, and I won’t meet any of my goals. And that’s OK. Sometimes we all need to stop, recharge and reboot.It is not an excuse for lack of productivity, but a brain boost. (See Play Hooky Like A Pro).

This next trick is MEGA important. Step outside and live your life. The random bike ride, self talk while on a quiet walk, adventures with friends and family – these are your stories. All writers are wired to see the world a little differently. We see in words and phrases and worry about the endings. We see stories everywhere we go. And yes, if you do something to inspire, anger or humor me, you might be part of a story. Call it my disclaimer, but I will never publish your name. Promise. Stepping outside my routine changes everything – there are more stories, more writing. Sometimes, I write for my eyes only – and that is alright too, as long as the words keep coming.

Last, but certainly not least, is to reward yourself. Break up daily tasks and goals and give yourself a pat on the back, a snack, a power nap (my current favorite) after you complete your goals. Any kind of incentive, (coffee, chocolate, a walk) that helps you complete your tasks make a pretty good chance of those imaginary friends opening up and starting to talk again. Then, with the incentive in sight, your words just might flow out a little faster.

I am a writer, as are some of you dear reader and friends. Writer’s block is so common for all of us. What are some of the ways you use to break free and get the words flowing? Share in the comment section – we can uplift each other and write on!

Awareness, Motivational / Inspirational

Play Hooky Like A Pro

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“Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.”
-Ferris Bueller

Sometimes you just need to take a day. A guilty pleasure, do nothing constructive, play around, lazy kind of a day. I needed one this week, so I took one. I tossed aside my planner, my to do lists and all of my outlines, and took a day for me. Now, feeling refreshed, revived, and returned to the planet of the living, I am going to share the secret of a successful sick day, or really how to play hooky 101.

First, you must channel your inner Ferris. Don’t plan. No schedules or checking your day planner. When you wake up feeling overwhelmed and exasperated, and you feel the urge to do something (or nothing), I highly suggest you go for it! No rules, no playbook. Throw caution (well, within reason since we are adults now) to the wind and do what makes you happy. There is no right way or wrong way to play hooky. For me, it’s about a little solitude, some shoes, the beach or a park and limited social interaction with the real world.

www.morningbeansblog.com
Can you beat Ferris?

Second, just disconnect. That’s right (shock! horror!) no social media, phone or text unless it’s an absolute 911. This means only kids in distress (the school calls – check your mail for a bill for a new science lab, your kid blew this one up; the hospital – your spouse checked in and won’t be checking out any time soon, etc) Avoid status updates and tweets. It was a simpler time when we could hide from the world – nobody needs to know where you are 24/7 or if you’ve just used the restroom on the highway to hell. Think about Ferris. He wasn’t going to go out of his way – ever – to let anybody in on his day off. He was a true pro at the “sick” day.

Please take note. If you haven’t got a clue who Ferris is, on your next day off (sick or otherwise), you need to make this movie a priority. Ferris is the Grand-master of fun and the inventor of the “sick day.” He truly makes it an art form, and he can show you the ropes. So don’t worry about your Facebook status, it can wait. Besides, by not sharing every moment you get to keep some pretty awesome memories to yourself.

Next, don’t do anything that feels like work. Daydream, take a nap, walk on the beach, eat some froyo, watch old movies – anything that makes you feel good about yourself. No chores or anything that feels like work. The laundry will still be there tomorrow, I promise. Really take a day off.

Playing hooky reconnects us to our childhood – to simpler times. Think back to those days you felt you needed a break. Remember holding the thermometer over the baseboard heater? Your mom knew you weren’t sick, with 108 degree temperature you would have been at death’s door. But she knew you need a break. You needed a day to recharge your high-energy batteries.

As an adult, the sick day reminds us that even though our jobs are important, they don’t define us. Just as school was a means to an end, so is a job. We tend to lose sight of what makes us unique and what we really enjoy in life. So take a day – be naughty – it makes it all that much more enjoyable.

Playing hooky is good for the soul. Every once in a while it’s good to retreat, regroup and refresh. A day to unwind, de-stress and be happy without any obligations or expectations. How do you recharge? Any exciting adventures from your last “sick day?” Share in the comment section. I promise gold star stickies and smiles.

Motivational / Inspirational

The Miracle of Morning Rituals

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www.morningbeansblog.com

Every morning is a challenge. Like you, I have insomnia. My brain turns on at 2:00 AM and I am forced to leave the gentle pastures of the Land of Nod. So I’m tired, and a coffeeaholic. In truth, I love my coffee, and I am particular about it, but that’s for another post. So how to I deal with the stress from the combination of teenagers, carpool, stressed hubby and schizophrenic maltipoo? It’s all about finding my rhythm.

Mornings can be chaotic under the best of circumstances, but I have found ( thank you to several online gurus) a way to keep myself calm and relatively put together. Of course it is coffee first, but dear readers, I am going to enlighten you. Not only is being happy an art, but a morning routine is an art form and a salvation. It will help you to be happy (or at least calmer and task orientated). Morning is your most important time of day – it’s the foundation for the whole day ahead. Without the proper mortar, your day will crash down around you. So build it correctly, and you will know before you finish that first cup of joe, how your day is going to play out.

First things first. The wake up. I do hope you are not the jump out of bed sorts, but if that works for you- by all means keep jumping! I try and stay horizontal until my alarm goes off, somewhere in the 5:00 AM range. Quickly muting the noise, I stretch. Learn from your pets – every muscle, every part that moves- stretch it, crack it, bend it – roll your eyes if you feel you have to, but stretch. I love waking up before the rest of the house. It is still dark, peaceful, and the day is ripe with possibility. Chaos has not yet descended in my corner of the planet, and I like it that way. I advise everyone to wake up first. It is liberating and you can set your own schedule.

Onward. Those following me know that I have repeatedly said I am a new student of meditation. Thanks to websites like sonima, I am learning to breathe and to begin every morning with gratitude. It is a privilege to be alive, and the very first morning prayers I learned as a child thank God for letting me have this privilege. So traditionally, we admit, acknowledge and thank. The Hebrew prayer of Modeh Ani -literally I am thankful basically translates to: “I thank you ever present and living King/God, for returning my soul graciously to me. Even Shakespeare hits upon this theme. Hamlet discusses sleep as a mini-death.

“To sleep; perchance to dream: aye there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.”

Though Hamlet is clearly upset about Ophelia and her permanent state of sleep, he recognizes that we need to realize how precious life is. That we leave our mortal bodies every night, and fate or the Heavens above return us to the “mortal coil.”  So dear friends, be gracious and grateful. Stretch languidly and breathe deeply. Meditate for just a few moments on the privilege of being able to move, to see, to think, to feel, to have something to look forward to, even if it is your immediate cup of coffee. Happiness is made from all these little parts of your life, so to get the happy hormones flowing, feel grateful. Make happiness a habit – notice all the good stuff about the day as you wake from  hopefully a sweet, restful slumber.

Back to the stretching. It seems so logical, but often we are in a frantic rush to start the day. Sometimes we oversleep, or have been plagued by thoughts of things we must do all night, and we toss the covers back and literally run from the bed. STOP! So simple to keep the stress of morning at bay right here. When you stretch, not only are you increasing mobility in your joints (a good for you!) but you help your coordination. For me, this is a plus. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into the wall as opposed to the bathroom or closet. Stretching has actually been proven (I promise) to increase mental and physical energy levels.  Heck, I stretch periodically throughout the day now, but always in the morning. Can’t beat those benefits! If you are yoga inclined, I hear there are some great stretching how to videos on YouTube.

Next, be present. Pace yourself so that you aren’t rushing about between the kitchen, the laundry, the emails, etc. Humans by nature are goal oriented. When we complete a goal, we release endorphins (yup, happy hormones) so that we can smile in the morning. Funnel your early morning energy into the right things, but not the urgent things. Those emergencies will keep until after you have taken your morning coffee and some time for yourself. Keep the morning simple. For me, it’s about the to do list, now second nature. Before 7:15 AM, when the kids need to be shuffled out the door, there’s a list. It is my wake up (can’t rush that – it sets my tone for the day), lunches, walking the dog, and coffee. If the kids need anything, now is the time. We have it down to a science so that I can usually spend about 20 minutes enjoying a peaceful coffee or two in the quiet darkness. That’s our routine.

Finally, establish a routine. Writing gives me a lot of freedom, however, I find that like everyone else with a desk job, I need a set, scheduled block of time daily to write. That doesn’t mean you won’t find me furiously scribbling on a discarded napkin in the car, a gum wrapper from my purse or on the back of my shopping list at the market. Writer’s brains never turn off, and when the words have to flow from the mind to the paper, there can be no time other than the present. It’s all about remembering the details.

So my routine. After the kids are gone, it’s quiet. I take my time working through my pot of coffee, and I meditate. I use guided videos sometimes, or since I am lucky enough to live in Paradise, I sit out on the terrace and let the stillness of nature work it’s way to my often jangled nerves. The point here my friends, is to do something that moves you. Read a little, write a little (journal?), perhaps you enjoy the morning crossword or nice reflective walk. The early mornings should be a gift to yourself. Once the sun rises, it’s pretty much intruded into your to do list, your job, appointments and other banalities. Make a ritual for yourself to begin your day with positive vibes. It will increase your happiness factor and you will be more productive on your daily journey. Don’t forget that happiness is a choice we make for ourselves every day. (see my post The Art of Being Happy)

The difference between a stressed out morning and a relaxed morning is not magic. It’s all in your perspective, your rituals and just a teeny tiny focus on time management.

  • Get an Early Start on the Day – If you’re up first, you can wallow in the beautiful silence.
  • Stretch – Limber up – open your circulation, move those muscles, especially the eyelids.
  • Hydrate – We can dehydrate at night. I take my water poured over some dark grounds – oh yeah – coffee! it counts)
  • Be Grateful – Just take a moment to thank whatever Deity you believe in for giving you another day.
  • Do the Stuff that Can’t Wait – This should not be anything more than lunches, walking the dog and shoving those kids out the door. By the way- if you play your cards right, walking the dog can be meditative, quiet time as well.
  • Meditate or Exercise – This depends on your nature. I enjoy walking, but truthfully, I prefer sedentary exercises. usually ones that include books and coffee. I’m learning to breathe and be positive and stress free. (OK, but it sounds better than I like to be lazy for a hour or so every morning.)
  • Keep It Simple and Streamlined – DO NOT fill the morning with things you have to do….the groceries can wait an hour. Early morning ( between 5-8 AM which is what  I’m talking about) is for things you want to do, not things you should do. For me- again, it’s coffee, a little reading, some social catch-up.

How do you like to start your days my friends? Challenge yourself if your mornings are hectic. Try something different, even if it is waking up 20 minutes early. You will appreciate your time, your peace and your day. What helps you to start your day on the right track? Feel free to share your morning rituals. Leave me a comment – I’ll answer in between the java sips.  Perhaps together we can all get off to a better start daily.

And don’t forget to enjoy your morning beans – I prefer mine strong, french pressed and black!