positivity | Morning Beans Blog

I think it’s one of those days.

You know the one. When everything just seems to go wrong. And you feel like you need a do-over. Nothing horrible really happens, but all the same, it sucks. It’s that morning where there isn’t enough coffee to wake you or get you out that funky mood, and all these teeny annoying things happen all day, poking at you like a deranged octopus. Insignificant as they may be, they seem so much more overwhelming; your day spirals downward from there.

This is one of those days.

I woke up with a slight headache. You know the one that pulls behind your eyebrows? OK, it wasn’t really a wake up since I spent the night talking to the monsters in my head. I decided to hit the snooze button on my clock radio (two or three times, that gives me almost 25 minutes to get it together) and now I don’t have to face the day yet. This of course means I will be rushing my kishkas out to get ready and get the lunches made, feed the birds, walk and feed the dog, and maybe slug back a cup of joe.
It won’t work. I’m just too slow. We will be late, and the kids will be complaining.
Finally, I get everyone where they need to be, go back home, fire up the word program and pour a fresh coffee. I breathe. Maybe it will be OK after all.
Nope. My other half is having a rotten morning as well, and he needs to share. His misery is all encompassing and he needs to vent. Loudly. My train of thought is gone as he talks at me, to me, complaining about his luck being in the bog. (Non-Brits, Google it). I know he isn’t on track, and there are lots of changes to be made and hard decisions to consider. But I am trying to create my own path.
I tune out and refocus. A few deep breaths and I start typing again. Yay! There will be a post today! And then the Internet conks out. I decide to just grab my purple pen and write old school. He is gone. Completely out of his mind with displaced anger at the internet provider, the management company, and indirectly at me. So now it’s afternoon . And I am over it. Done.
Finally he leaves for work. Over-dramatically, in my mind I wonder, “could this day get any worse?”Big mistake. Because it did.

I decided to flee the negativity and hide out at the library. Free working wifi, a considerable a out of quiet and privacy, and of course, books. I spend some time there, check out, and I have a fine. Only $0.40, but it manages to make me angry. And I had no one to blame but myself. I sigh, paid up and checked out. And walked out into the rain. Seriously? I felt like I was in a bad movie.
I finally made it home without incident, and the schizo dog decides to jump me. Books falling and stubbing my toe, I bend down to pick them up and whack my head on the washer. No, I don’t know how. I realize by now you are in hysterics, thinking this is like an episode of The Three Stooges, but it’s my life. I have decided today is ruined and there was no point in trying to do anything now. I let the birds out, and lie down for a nap on the sofa.
Crazy dog curls up at the end, licking my toes and the cuckoo chicken flies over to smuggle. A random thought pops into my now overworked and overwrought mind. “Today is not over yet.”

I shift my thinking and try to think about the last meditation session I had. Breathe, just breathe, clear my mind and focus on the nothing and the everything. I’m still not sure I get it, but I’m trying, and suddenly I realize there was still plenty of time to make something in the day count. After all, it is only the afternoon.

So, I decide on a fun dinner, pull some pizza dough from the freezer, and open the iPad. I check my online publishing site. I have six new followers and three awesome critiques and raves about my latest piece of prose. Suddenly, the moment comes, and the words start to flow. All thoughts of Toxic Tom fly away and before too long, I’ve penned three new poems, two blog posts and the sun is peeking out from behind the clouds. Deep breath. Clear my mind. Maybe today isn’t so bad after all. At least not for me. How profound and motivating those few words were. It’s only the afternoon. The aftermath. It helped me totally turn my day (and attitude) around. But not before a good rant session with my bestie. Earlier, I could have chosen to give up on the day, but instead, I made a choice. I found a way to make the rest of the day decent if not perfect. I allowed myself to create something that was meaningful for me, and all by reminding myself that the day wasn’t over yet.

My day went from being the worst day ever to one of my better days of the week, even though I couldn’t classify it as all wine and roses. Quite obviously, this is not a one time occurrence. I am learning to use this mantra to create amazing and mindful results.I love being able to remind myself that “today is not over yet” as a mantra to turn around a shitty day, because it makes me mindful and contemplative. It frees my mind to get me back to where I need to be, for me. Not for anyone else.

So next time you are having a day, try to remember there is still time to flip the day around.
“TODAY IS NOT OVER YET.”

It is a powerful reminder to find ways to make something good happen. Maybe you can squeeze in a half an hour at the gym, or write that ew article, or draw something. Maybe you need to bake some muffins. It’s a gentle tap that redirects and says you don’t need to wait for tomorrow to make life count.

It reminds me to be grateful for each day, no matter what. I am usually able to cull a list of unusual things to be grateful for. Keep watch on the Facebook page for random lists. If I can’t make myself be grateful,because I need to give myself over to the nasties for a while, at least I can inspire you dear reader, at least a smirk?
This mantra reminds me that I have a choice. When I am melting down and crazed, and I’m not having a good day, I have a choice. I can decide what happens to the rest of my day and my attitude from that moment on. I can choose to throw in the towel, or I can make a conscious effort to try to find a way to make today count. Even if I only write a paragraph, some times, as per Anne Lamott, that’s all you can do.
Today has many more hours. It’s not over at 8:30 am or 11:00 am, so I have to jog my memory, remind myself to do something meaningful. It is so easy to fall into the habit of living on autopilot, and I am learning through mindfulness and meditation to re-evaluate the minutes of my life. I have to be intentional and make the time count, because that’s what really matters at the end of the day.

So basically friends, no matter what catastrophic, crazy, melt down moments happened so far in your day, there’s still time to turn it around.

A few mindful ways to bring the peace back from the chaos:

Do something kind for yourself. Do something you love that you don’t usually make time for; take a break to breathe and have a cup of coffee.

Do something thoughtful for someone close to you.simply telling someone that you’re grateful for them, or bringing them a much needed snack, drink or hug. It’s a win-win for you both.

Do something productive. This oils be catching up on email correspondence, making appointments you’ve put off, or cleaning out your junk drawer.

Do something out of the ordinary. Something mindful and meaningful just for you. Something that makes you feel like you’ve made the rest of your otherwise cruddy day count in a positive and productive way.

Know dear friend, that whatever time you are reading this, whatever kind of day you’re having, there is always hope for sunshine.

The day isn’t over yet.

I had a drive to be perfect, especially in English class.

In grad school, I ended up in the psych department, stressed to maximum capacity. They suggested that I might be depressed. After several sessions, it was found that the ‘B’ I was receiving in a class on Shakespeare, my passion and subject of my BA, was the cause. My need for perfection in what I thought I had mastered, was making me slide into darkness. Turns out the ‘B’ was a punishment from the Professor – I apparently knew much more than he did.

I was a mess during the time period of figuring this all out, and I was afraid. The thoughts in my head kept reeling- ” you’re not good enough, not smart enough.” I was on a cycle of self-destruction. My adviser, the wise Dr. Diane Kutzer, finally took me aside. She told me that I was causing myself unnecessary suffering. She sat me down and asked me, ” Why are you so critical of yourself ? It’s obvious you have succeeded in your academic journey, but now you need to focus on your motivation.”

Pocomoonshine Mountain, Adirondack Park, NY

I was lost. I didn’t understand. Luckily, I lived in the Adirondack Mountains. There is a trail on the mountain Pocomoonshine, and I know it very well. After our meeting, I took a drive, and then a hike. At the summit I looked out over the lake and I screamed. Loud, long, guttural – from the pit of my belly. First, because I realized that I had lost the trail and scaled the rock face without the proper gear, and second, because I knew then that I would always strive for perfection. I realized I would need to learn to stop being so perfect, so self-critical if I was going to truly succeed. As I climbed down the trail, I tied to leave the worst doubts up on top, bringing a new determination back to my small apartment on the Saranac River.

We all have moments where we criticize ourselves. Have you ever been preparing a cup of coffee, and you spill the milk? You tend to berate yourself, even inside your head. I can drop a spoon and hear my brain saying “What is wrong with you – Butterfingers?” But I know this is just the negative critic in my head. I can be my worst enemy. I have learned that when I was younger, fear of the negative was what motivated me, and I paid a high price. I learned to stop. To just stay present and focus and breathe. I had to learn how to change myself, not to be so critical, not to self-hate or beat myself up. I would never be perfect (I’m only human after all)and why did it matter anyway?

Instead of punishing myself (which is really what all that stress was about) I have learned to motivate myself with little pats on the back. Praising the little things. I am excited when I see a new comment or follower. I am thrilled when I remember my grocery list, even though it is home on the kitchen counter. I feel better about what I actually accomplish and I am calmer and happier. If you need to shift your own self criticism, you need to stop trying so hard. You are not broken and don’t need fixing. Try a little love.

“I know quite certainly that I myself have no special talent; curiosity, obsession and dogged endurance, combined with self-criticism, Have brought me to my ideas.”
– Albert Einstein

I want you dear reader to do something for me. (Now I’m becoming interactive) The next time you notice that you are putting yourself into that box of critical self loathing, stop. Push the pretend pause button in your mind and give yourself a little love. Learn to accept yourself with all your failings. Give yourself a me hug. Come on- you know you want to.

Once you start to love yourself with all your faults, shortcomings and inhibitions,you will feel more at peace. Compassion and self-love will shift your actions and your moods. So what if the house isn’t white glove spotless, or dinner came from the take out place. You are happy, at peace and fulfilled. You wrote your article, painted a masterpiece, or even just got up and got dressed. We don’t have to be perfect to be happy on our journey through this world.

I believe that the happiest people are not necessarily the ones with no carry on bags; they have just learnt to stow it safely in the overhead bins, and to enjoy the ride. The more self-love and self-compassion we generate, the easier it is to feel love. This in turn makes it easier to give love, and enjoy the amazing trip on this planet called life.

I don’t hike anymore (well, it’s hard since a mountain in Florida is simply a speed bump), but I remember the day atop Pocomoonshine. It was a game changer for me, and I hope my experience helps you to have a lighter load. I’m far from perfect, but I am happy, (most of the time) and that has spread to others in my life. So tell your clothing piling, dust bunny hoarder, write, painter, crafty self that it is OK to make a few mistakes. A little self love makes it all worthwhile.

Morning Beans Blog

Tag Archives: positivity

Today Is Not Over Yet

Transforming Self-Criticism to Self-Love

Java junkie writes about life and its quirks