Summer is nearly here, and it’s my favorite season. I simply adore the hot, dry smell of burnt toast air, the feel of the scorched pavement melting my tender soles through the bottom of my flip flops, and the tiny trickles of sweat that dribble down my back. OK, so – not really. But I do love summer. It brings with it a plethora of happy memories. I love the lazy schedule, no carpool, and no rushed packing of lunches and misplaced shoes. I like the sharp tang of the chlorine that lingers in the laundry room and in my hair. It reminds me of times when I was carefree; times when the biggest worry was when the Good Humor truck was coming and how late could we stay out and catch lightning bugs. Yes, we did that, and caught lots of mosquitos, worms and tree frogs too. Summer was always about friends,mat icky, drippy Popsicles and lots of unscheduled down time. It was family road trips, packed in the car with Bingo boards and peanut butter sandwiches. Maybe there were a few weeks of camp, and lots of hanging around at Michele’s (her folks had the only pool in the neighborhood, back when above ground was awesomely cool). It was bike rides to Sweets and Treats for nickel handfuls of candy from the barrel up front, and if you had a quarter, there was cola or blue Marino’s Italian Ices. We wielded those bright lemon yellow cups like trophies., wooden paddle spoons at the ready. “These,” as the song says,” are a few of my favorite things.”

Even without brown paper packages tied with strings, it is incredibly important to find your happiest moments, and to use them to stay happy in the present. You need to find happiness that is yours alone, and not dependent on other people or things. I know, you’re thinking about my summer memories. A blissfully ignorant time, and while there are people and places involved, much of the hapoy stuff is mine alone. The lone bike rides down the hilly back pathways between the garden apartments, the secret stash of Bit O’Honey and Bazooka, the last ice pop from the freezer on the hottest day of summer; these are my memories, and my happy times.

We cannot always depend on other people or random “stuff” to be around to keep us hapoy. Sometime, when you find yourself needing a pick me up, you may find yourself in that dark place all alone. So what can you do? Make your own hapoy of course! 😃

I have learned that everything changes. People are fickle. They come and go from your life as though there were a revolving door on your heart. It means you come up empty when you need that little happiness boost. But this is normal. Over time we grow, we change, we evolve, and we move, change our lifestyle, or just lose touch. Relationships change as we pass through different agendas and situations, and that’s OK. Sometimes, you’re lucky enough to maintain one or two fabulous friendships, or to reconnect with an old friend, but it’s not really the same. You’ve both changed. And you don’t feel that same happiness when you’re together. How many of us are still hanging out with the same folk we were with in college? If you are, then count your lucky stars, but for the rest of us, learn to be your own friend.

Like people, “stuff” comes and goes. The car lease is over, the cell phone needs upgrading, your favorite tee has become a holey relic. If your happiness is tied to these material things, you can really stress yourself out. And that is not good for the happiness factor. The short term high of a shopping spree wears off, but if you make your own happiness, well then, you are a lucky ducky. 🐥

Less stress, more happy, isn’t that what we all want? How can you make your happiness your own? Here’s three little ways you can try.

Stop, reflect, be grateful. OK, so you already know I’m all about this “mindfulness” and meditation, but is it a path to happiness? For me, yes, and maybe for you as well. When I stop and sit and breathe, and all is quiet, I can hear the world. I feel the goodness, the peaceful hapoy feeling that the guided guru of the day is telling me. It helps me have a sense of balance and to appreciate all the little things that I have in my life. You all know we cannot change the way things are, but we can learn to appreciate the slices of life pie that aren’t too tart to handle. For me, just sitting outside, feeling the warm sun, hearing the birds and other sounds of nature, I feel lucky. Though I may not always live in a warm climate, I can appreciate the here and now. I am lucky enough to hear, see, feel, and this sparks my creative nature. Creating makes me hapoy, and is all my own, independent of anyone else. Find contentment in your life, just as it is, and you will find your happy place.
Set meaningful goals for yourself. These goals should not be career or family oriented, but something for you alone. It’s healthy to have personal goals for your own benefit and pleasure. For me, it’s always been about writing. I have drawers and boxes stuffed with journals, notebooks, envelopes with fragmented story plots and poetry written on the backs of old receipts. To be published? Maybe, but mostly they’re for me, expressions of my soul that remind me of memories. And when that fails to get my happy hormones flowing, I drag out the charcoals. Honestly, I was born to be a dusty, here covered being. The exhilaration I feel when I sketch and shade, black fingers and sooty wrists makes me happy. Everyone should have a hobby to turn to, something to boost your happiness factor, even when nothing seems to be going well in your life. It really makes a difference.
New “Stuff.” I know. I keep talking about not getting happiness via your credit card and the mall, and this is not about a shopping spree. It’s about learning new things. Since I’ve embarked on my new writing career (well, unpaused it anyway) I have engaged in many different courses, discussions and research. There is always something to learn and when you study for your own personal gain, not fro school or work, it’s very fulfilling. It fills the void in your mind with joy and satisfaction and of course, new knowledge. When you expand your horizons, you learn new things about yourself and re-engage with the world as a better human. Why? Because you’re happy, and maybe even a little smarter. But mostly happy.

I leave you today my friends, to travel to the oh so magnificent library. A sanctuary of knowledge and pleasure for the mind. So do I still need people? Of course! Silly readers, we all need a close friend or two, but remember it behooves you to become your own best friend as well. Having multiple sources of happiness ensures that you won’t fret when you find yourself alone. So learn to enjoy the acrid smell of burning asphalt, the cool, tart taste of a froyo sliding down your throat, the laughter of children out way too late in the humid summer night. They are making memory, as you and I did, stockpiling for happiness in later years. Do something new for yourself. What makes you happy? Have you a hobby that clams you, makes you smirk that silly grin of complacency? Remember : mindful, grateful, peaceful, happy. And don’t forget the coffee. ☕️

Motivational / Inspirational

Five Ways to Change When Everything is Stuck

May 27, 2016 hefurst 8 Comments

This has been a particularly rough year. Lots of change while at the same time, stagnation. A physical move, career path about face and the first of my baby birds leaving the nest. Many questions have arisen in my mind, no doubt you dear friend get these ponderings too, the ones where no clear solution is outlined in bold marker. So you ask, where does that leave me or you? Lost? Upset? Mindful? (I know, you love that new catch word) All of these emotions swirling around and my sweet reader, they create stress. I am sure you can relate; we all have stress. We may not all be in the same rowboat, but we are in the same sea.

Sometimes, you need a big upheaving change to move forward and change your circumstances. In some cases, it’s not always possible to change the situation, taking precious time we don’t want to waste to move ahead. The new cushy job hasn’t appeared yet, your story hasn’t been published yet, and maybe you just find it hard to fit into your new neighborhood. It’s now that you need to be strong. Sometimes those around you are down, and they have lost their path. You can be there to support them, especially if it’s someone really close, spouse, child, etc. but remember that you cannot change them. People need to change on their own, as they evolve and find ways to deal with stress and adversity. I know. This stresses you out, and then what good are you to anyone? At the risk of being cliche, and oh so repetitive, change your perspective, or your place, and that can change your attitude. It may even shift your sad other’s attitude. (See Change Your Place, Change Your Luck.)

OK my lovelies, I know you’re wondering what wisdom I have to impart today. Well, let me motivate you right out of the doldrums and into the happy places we all have hidden away. First, I want to say that I believe in you. I also believe that we all create our own little dramas. How we react to ongoing and difficult events in our lives need not be a production of the Royal Shakespeare Company. So now I’m back to my being positive and happy go lucky spiel. Everything in our lives can have a silver lining, if you look in the right place. Still feeling lost, clueless? Me too, most of the time. Here are five easy ways to redirect yourself when you’re feeling lost and out of sorts. Hopefully, they can help move you to a more positive and fulfilling life, even if your current situation sucks. Yes ,yes I know – I have ambivalent and obnoxious feelings sometimes too. Mea Culpa.

Change Your Focus. No situation is ever completely hopeless, rather we lose faith and grow hopeless about them. For example, a job hunt. You are talented, overqualified and there a bazillion jobs out there that you can do really well. Success is within your grasp. However, 5 million applications later, you find yourself still unemployed, or worse, in a job you hate that devalues you and your abilities. You begin to doubt yourself. STOP RIGHT NOW! Expend that energy moving forward, stop dwelling and bellyaching. Take a class, even if it’s pottery or glass blowing (I know, sounds cool, right?) do something to expand your horizons, talk to strangers. You never know who might be blowing glass next to you, trying not to sucker in and scorch their throats. Unless it’s dragon, but that would be pretty awesome. Unlikely, but awesome. Don’t let negative emotions weigh you down. Change your thought patterns, change your reality. Our thoughts create our moods, so go positive and that happy way of thinking might just help build the life you want from the ashes of the glass studio to the castles in the clouds.
Be grateful. Gratitude is all about appreciation. Realize that you don’t always need more, but appreciate what you already have. Life is never complete (until you become a zombie, then it’s a new life) so embrace this idea of being thankful. If you can begin to accept that you’re OK with what you have right now, but still realize that many more possibilities are eating in your future, you create a whole new feeling of personal validation. If we were given everything all at once, there would be nothing to strive for, and therefore no personal growth. Practice being mindful (I know, my word flavor of the month) and thankful at the same time. Remember to stay hungry though, so you’ll be ready to embrace the future when it knocks on your happy, grateful door.
In every ending there is a new beginning. Sometimes, you just need to walk away. It was necessary for me and my family to close up shop and change direction, if only to realize that we were missing out on all that good stuff, especially the kids. We ended an era of owning our own company, and now have a new beginning. I’m not sure about the next chapter of our lives, or that the current part is so amazing, but life can be surprising. I’m sure when we get the chance to turn the page, it will be incredible.
Think of your current struggles as growing pains. Imagine Dragons have a song called Roots; and the chorus blatantly states “I know it’s gotta go like this, I know – Hell will always come before you grow,” so even they realize that nothing worth having comes easy. Simple things like happiness, success and love all have a price. Sometimes you get knocked down, flat out on your back, but you dust yourself off and get up. Even stuck in a hamster wheel of a rut, you know deep down that circumstances will change. Sometimes, you need to hit roak bottom to know you can rise again and be proactive and positive.
Use what you have, we all were created with a body, gifted with a creative mind and the breath of life. Use your body to change your state of mind. Those of you who read me know I’ve taken up meditation. As a new student (ok, not so new, just dense) I am learning to breathe and recognize signals in my body that indicate stress and how to breathe to relax myself. It’s a little mental adjustment that lets me see a little more clearly. Cats and dogs have the right idea, wen you feel good (and lazy and comfortable) you attitude is happy and content. Remember, good things happen more frequently for positive people.

In summation, (I feel like a lawyer) I want to remind you that it’s all about…yes…yes…mindfulness! Relax, clear the clutter, minimize and focus on the positive. You may not be able to control fate, but you can control how you respond to life and unforeseen events. Remember that you can always control some facets of you life, your friends, your attitude…don’t neglect these for the things beyond your grasp. Choose your friends, words and daily extra happies (like that chocolate treat, or unexpected movie or something like that.) choose how you respond to adversity. Choose to keep a positive attitude. Happy people are successful people. Or they write caffeinated motivational blog posts for you! 😂☕️

What motivates you to stay positive in the face of disaster? Share your life, share your drama. We happy folk here will send glittery hugs and caffeinated kisses.

Awareness, Tips for writers

Brute Force Attacks – Bloggers Beware!

May 24, 2016 hefurst 2 Comments

Blogger beware

So, you want to be a blogger. You organize, memorize and set up your incredibly unique pages on your new website. You even figured out how to do it all by yourself. Everything is exactly how you envisioned it. You keep working hard to make your content high quality, to make it stand out, to make it user friendly to rise in the SEO rankings. Lucky for you (and the rest of us who are technologically challenged) there are websites that help,is create websites. WordPress, Squarespace, Weebly – all of these allow you to personalize and keep up to date with all sorts of great plug ins or add ons. Your site stands out, it is a personal reflection of you, your business, blog or otherwise. You’re all Ste. You go live, and BAM! Your traffic shoots up. You’re ecstatic because you are in your way to making it big, right? Well, maybe. You learn the hard way that you need to be vigilant and watch your stats. Common lowlife theives ing hackers want your site. The golden currency of the Internet in quality content. They need your choice, juicy, incredible content to lure the unsuspecting visitor once they’ve gained control of your site. Nervous? You should be.

Brute force attacks are becoming incredibly common against any CMS (content management system, for those like me who were clueless a minute ago). Let’s review. You created an awesome website. You have published quality, interesting and unique content. In a few short weeks you have followers, and that means traffic. Some of these are little cyberbots. You’re not afraid of those Google or Yahoo bits, they’re just scanning. But beware those nasty, little spiders from cyberspace who have only one main function – to penetrate and take over your site. These little bots extend their webby bot fingers to break into as many websites as possible by guessing their passwords. If they can find a match, they waste no time in taking over and whisking control of your precious hard work. Feeling violated? You should. These hacks use your site to distribute malware, viruses spam and links from your amazing and unique content to spoof and porn websites.

Let’s face it, the hackers have no idea if you’re truly vulnerable or not. If you have a website, you need to always be on the lookout for anomalies. Watch for suspicious activity in your traffic, views, hits and database. If your stats spike suddenly in an unusual fashion, I sincerely hope you’ve made it, but chances are, you have a big problem in your hands. You will want to make sure you are locked down as tightly as possible. Make your passwords random, long, unique and difficult to guess, especially for your database. That’s the golden treasure for hackers, now, they have it all! The bits start small, and progress through the most common 200-300 passwords in a heartbeat. Look at the following example, taken from sucuri’s own internal monitoring of their site. They were able to see the pattern the bots took:

user: admin,pass: admin

user: admin, pass:123456

user: admin, pass:123123

user: admin, pass:112233 …..and so on and so on.

The best way to limit you vulnerability is to keep your WordPress account updated at all times. This includes your plug-ins, but be aware, that not all software developers (plug-in companies) notify users of their open vulnerabilities. They try to hide the fixing of the issues, and sometimes, the issues cannot be resolved, and you are open to attack.

So what should you be looking at if your traffic suddenly spikes? After the initial glee that you’re making it (and I sincerely hope you are), take a look at your database codes. If there are too many hits or page reads for the amount of visitors, there’s a good bet you were the victim of a break in or attempted hack. Keep a close eye on the following:

admin-ajax.php

wp-config.php

admin.pho

admin-post.php

All of mine were targeted. I had 266 attacks in one day, and I promise, I’m not doing the happy dance. You and I both need to understand it’s not personal. They don’t give one whit about us or our content. It’s all about harvesting websites to use for nefarious, evil hacker plots. With so many WordPress users, it’s easy for them to trigger mass attacks on WP sites. Keep in mind fellow blogger, artist, writer, etc. that the more popular and successful you and your site become, the more likely you will become a target. As your awesome site rises in the search engines,mane your site content becomes popular and sought out, the more likely these spider hackers will attempt to break into your site. The cyber spiders look for your site. They report the numbers, sell your information, and POOF! You’re a goner.

i have mentioned before in my article on site scrapers, about monitoring IP addresses. Be vigilant, be careful. My latest attackers copied my home IP so it appeared I was hacking myself. I hadn’t even been to the site all day. It turns out that it was made available from one of the security plugins I installed to protect my site. If you’re using ithemes, NEVER white,it’s your IP address. It’s like an open invitation to these maniacal hacking thieves.

So why WordPress? Originally, the bots attacked using wp-login.php attempts. If they could pretend they were the admin/user, they could gain control of the site. But now, they have evolved. There is something in the coding of our sites that read XMLRPC. I’m not IT trained, or code trained, but my guy tells me that it makes it harder to detect these hackers. The hackers can be successful because many of the calls in WordPress implementation (nothing I understand here) require a username and password. If your web monitoring IT guy or gal sees a lot of “WP.getusersBlogs” or “WP.getComments” you have most likely been victimized and attacked. Hopefully, you’re protection is deeper and you’re still safe. These bots will not only try using “admin” to get in as I mentioned earlier, but will now seek out your domain name and the real admin as well.

Now that you’re sufficiently freaked out, I have a list of the 7 most popular plug ins that will almost definitely get you hacked. (they’re usually fixing issues, so that’s something myou might check on)

Slider Revolution
Updraft Plus
Fancy Box for WordPress
Easy Media Gallery
WP Ultimate CSV Importer
All-in-One Security Plug-In
WordPress Download Managers

An added note: I saw a mention about Jetpack and Yoast as well

OK, so now, what’s your plan of action? Short of watching your stats 24/7 and having someone awesome monitoring your site ; all activity, database and incoming IP addresses, what are your options?

Be vigilant. Make sure your passwords are random and not easily figured out. Mix it up bloggers!

Back up your database. Your database is golden, it holds all your articles, reader comments, and more. Back it up every day or two if you post regularly and have normal traffic.

Keep an eye on Sucuri’s blog. They crawl all over the WordPress forums and document the latest issues and problems for those running a WordPress site.

Also valuable is WordPress’ own Vulnerability Database. It’s updated quite often.

There are many ways to block these Brute Force Attack, including a new plug in on WordPress. However, rember that these hackers are constantly evolving. Sucuri’s says blocking at the edge (ask your IT guy) will be your preferred method until all the lug ins are secured. Use a good firewall and keep an eye on all activity. One of the biggest flaws with WordPress and others like it is that we relinquish control. Since we untechnologically savvy people build our sites based in the easy logins, we make it too easy for the bits to come by and grab our site. Watch out for the third party plug ins. Remember, if something seems too good be true, it probably is. Learn how to prot ct yourself from site scrapers and hackers. Watch out for weirdness. It’s not always a cool new trend.

have you been hacked? Stalked, vitamins by cyberspiders? Share your experience and solutions in the comments. Thanks and stay caffeinated .☕️

Awareness, Motivational / Inspirational

5 Things to Stop Obsessing About

May 20, 2016 hefurst 2 Comments

I am a total stress junkie. It feels as if I’m missing something vital if I’m not obsessing over a to do list, or worrying about possible problems. And life with teenagers is chock full of problems, most of which get blown way out of proportion. My poor besieged besties, who take my calls and over coffee listen patiently to my crazed rants. And amazingly, they still love me and still take my calls. There’s a reason you guys are the best! ❤️ My incredible friends always remind me that there’s a bigger picture out there. Usually all it takes is a quick coffee date or a $15 pitcher or margaritas along with some silly laughs, sometimes at my expense. (Take it from me, NOBODY looks good with tequila shooting out their nose!🍸)

There is always going to be a reason to freak out. Life is full of anxiety induced events, from simple pondering a over what size coffee to have, to more complex issues involving finances, friends and family. I really wish I knew in my 20’s what I know now. I would have saved myself a lot of aggravation and panic attacks. Bottom line, it’s just not worth the wasted energy. I mean, a full on panic attack, laying prone on the floor over an exam or a term project? Certainly there’s much more to the future than that. So, OK, yes, I still freak out, but I have learned (with loads of help) to find the positive side to everything. A survival tool? Maybe. But it’s all about learning to love myself,mmy faults, my eccentricities. I’m different, and that’s OK. I’ve made friends with those little voices of fear and doubt in my head, and the panic driven attacks are less frequent. Stop laughing, I know who you are, and where you are, don’t make me name names and come for you! 😂😘

And so dear readers, here’s my short list of things you can learn to control. Well, some of you might be able to stop obsessing, the rest of you may need more coffee therapy. ☕️

Hair: My hair in its natural stet looks like someone plugged me into the wall socket. I could be the poster child for a good old fashioned Banshee. Forty minutes with a flat iron renders me human, but it sucks the energy right out from me, even with awesome tunes in the background. My solution : a ponytail or washing the tresses less often. Now now, don’t go all eeeeewwww gross on me. Lots of people with long, thick unruly hair wash it once to three times weekly. Not like I’m waiting six months between shampoos. But less drying time (literally takes 2-3 hours to air dry so it’s damp but dry enough to straighten) means less morning stressing out time, so I’m all in on this one. And the ponytail (incidentally the only style I’m capable of besides straightening) – you’d be amazed at how quickly you cause I flat iron a frizzy mane that’s pulled back into a semblance of wavy but normal looking hair.
Job : Yup, this is a biggie. I’ve learned that I need to follow my heart and my gut here. The right job WILL come along. It’s about putting myself out there, networking, connecting, hinting my craft and my skills. Not every job will be perfect, or the right fit, but we need to try and use them as learning experiences; stepping stones to a better future.
Money : Perhaps this is the biggest, boldest obsession. Always
worried? Me too. It’s alright to put yourself on a budget. Save your pennies for the big stuff you want – they do add up. There’s loads of free or low cost stuff out there for amusement, so don’t keep running to the bank every weekend for the bigger, better jollies. Try something local, low cost and invite your friends along.
Accidents : Guilty. I’m not OCD enough to always remember if I’ve left the lights on, closed the garage door, put the milk away, etc. one of my kids used to leave the door to our extra fridge open just enough for the extra milk and cheese to get “warm-ish. At first, I freaked out. Banshee lady scared the kid so much he cried, but he did forget again, so my mini freak meant nothing. Now, I handle it better. It’s not worth E. Coli or food poisoning. Just suck it up and toss the slimy stuff. Trust me, toss it and move on. I think this rule should apply to forgetfulness as well. Sometimes forgetting means it wasn’t really necessary at all.

5. Things that could go wrong : Positivity. (Yes, should be in some dictionary by now) You are only stealing your own success by always focusing on the negative stuff. Stop imagining tragedy before it even peeps over the horizon, and live for each moment. The future is not really in your control. Never was. Because you, are not God. (Sorry to my atheistic readers, if any. Feel free to alter that sentence to your liking) The only power and control you own is in the here and now. Remember that.

Most things we stress, obsess and freak out over are things that we cannot control. It’s not in our power to change them. The few things we can control, we need to take charge over and do something about. Set up a schedule, get a planner, make time for the inevitable mess ups that get tossed in your daily salad. Remember to never turn your personal power over to someone else. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. Don’t fuel your fears, and the fires will die down. Pinky swear.

Do you remember the last time you freaked out? Was it in your head? A full blown panic stricken meltdown? It wasn’t pretty was it? Share how you moved past it and surged ahead in the comments. I’ll keep sending those caffienated hugs back, but especially to my solid girls. You know who you are, and I couldn’t do any of this “stuff” without you having my back. Extra hugs, extra java love. ❤️☕️❤️

Motivational / Inspirational

Overwhelmed? Three Ways to Relax

May 18, 2016 hefurst 1 Comment

Stress. That six letter word that we toss about. Trying to make stress a taboo, we turn to yoga, meditation and other distractions, which often cause more stress.

I mean, how will we fit it all in to our already packed schedules? We all suffer through times when the simple, but multiple demands in our time and mental abilities are challenged. We are left feeling overwhelmed, empty, and bereft. We crack. We cry, we rage, we take a nap. Stressed.

Let me sketch for you my friends, a scene from my daily life at its most overwhelming times. Every Sunday morning, I make a coffee, grab my favorite pen and my planner, and I fill it in for the week. I don’t schedule set times, just events. The only exceptions are doctor appointment – they frown on you if you show up at random. Each day is chock full of awesome things to do, beginning with a 5:15 am wake up, coffee, a walk with psycho puppy, lunch making and carpool. By 7:30 am I can breathe for a moment. The kids are safely in school, the house is quiet upon my return. No stress yet, unless of course I oversleep or one of the kids has a freak out, no doubt caused by universal turmoil such as a forgotten homework assignment or no clean PE uniform.

OK, so my day begins. Early morning grocery runs, laundry, help the hubby, write, take a seminar, check emails, write some more, remember that I forgot to eat, (God bless PB sandwiches) afternoon carpool, more errands, make dinner, check emails again, serve dinner, listen to complaints that I’m not a fast food chain, (apparently food should be fun) clean up, finish straightening up, let the birds out, check emails again, check site stats, relax for five minutes with Facebook until I pass out. And tomorrow it begins all,over again. Sort of like Groundhog Day, you’ve seen it, right?

Clearly, not everything pencilled in gets done every day. I do try, but then it hits me like a tsunami. An exhaustion so deep (remember friends, I have insomnia) I must stop and have a rest, and something to stop the terrible thirst and the pounding headache. Often, when I get back from that morning carpool, my day is revised to look more like this : take a nap, at least a rest. Not so easy when your dog has a foot fetish and you despise socks. If it’s afternoon, there are locals drifting about the main level in search of the reclusive and elusive snack. (You know, the one that requires asking mom if there is any, and being temporarily blinded so she needs to get up and fetch it for you.) Don’t these kids see that I am an unintelligible mess? I feel that rubber band winding round inside, pulled so taut I might snap. And it’s back…stress.

We all feel it sometimes. The overwhelming elephant of life that threatens to sit on us, and crush us. We are often unable to remove ourselves from the situation without melting down. (Think Three Mile Island or Chernobyl folks) We find that we can’t step back and shift our perspective, we can’t compose ourselves. We see red, we cry, we scream, we lose it. Now I know you’re all denying this, so I’ll venture to say that most it,Es, we internalize these feelings and rage in our brains. This brings us a lovely gift – more stress! We feed on those negative thoughts, spiraling out of control as reality slips from our grasp. We fall into a repetitive loop of loud, persistent migraine inducing words screaming in our minds. Do these sound familiar?
* “I’ll never finish everything.”
* “How will I get through this?”
* “My life is out of control.”
* “I just cannot function like this.”
So, what can you do? How can we get past these moments of pure stress and overloaded circuits when life can’t be put on hold? Let’s go back to my imaginary sketchpad again. I’m going to draw you a picture of some of the things I do, and some of the things I should do.
For me, feeling grounded in reality requires both my mind and body to be in sync. (I know, right? My besties are in hysterics now) Since I’m not a yoga freak or a gym rat (I know, you’d never guess, haha) it’s usually a walk. A long, aimless, mind numbing walk. Such a shame that life doesn’t afford me the luxury of these meandering walkabouts, but I can take a short walk around the neighborhood to get some clarity and peace.
Faithful followers, you have been amazing, and I love that you wait eagerly for my twice weekly posts and their words of wisdom. (Shh…let me believe this!) Those of you who’ve been with me for longer than a post or two know I’ve taken up meditation. I’m really new to it, and it’s still so hard to focus on that “glowing light in the center of my being” but it’s nice just to sit for a few minutes and listen to that relaxed voice lulling me to sleep…oops, I mean and enlightened state of being. On my favorite site for health and meditations, there was an interview with a yoga instructor. He offered three good strategies for de-stressing that you can do anywhere. So next time you’re stressed, lounge around in the drivers seat, steer your trolley to the side of the aisle, and breathe. If you feel it’s one of “those” days, try one (or more) if these simple techniques. I know I will.
1. Breathe For Three: A steady slow rate of breathing relaxes our muscles and our minds. It is apparently one of the foundations of yoga and meditation. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Inhale for a count of three, then slowly exhale for (yup, you guessed it) a count of three. They, whoever they might be, say that this process relaxers the body in about a minute. A full sixty second minute.
2. Choose a Mantra: Think of a few affirming phrases to repeat quietly to yourself. Some suggestions are “I can do this,” “this too shall pass,” and “it will get done when it gets done.” Another option is to find a favorite motivational quote and repeat that to yourself. You might want to put it on post it notes around the house and car. And don’t forget to breathe.
3. A really good stretch : Take the time to flex every muscle that you can. Lie down if possible and begin with your tootsies. Relax the toes, and visualize each and every muscle in your body. Slowly, one at a time. Picture the stress leaving each part of the body, moving up from your tiny toesies to be released through your glorious crown. I bet by the time you reach your midsection you’ll be surprised to see that a lot of the tightness and stress has departed for other fairgrounds.
I suppose the bottom line is to learn our limitations. Learn to say no. Putting yourself out there for others only adds more stress to your already chaotic life. By all means, don’t deny a sick friend a container of soup (if she lives across the street) or a ride home for her kid from school, but beware the bigger pond sucking favor seeking people. Your time is valuable and so are you. Less stress is less mess. Once we learn where our limits lie, and we are comfortable with them, we will learn to center ourselves. We learn to focus to reduce the oerwhekmjng stress and function more effectively. I think it’s time for a cup of de-stressing lovely coffee.

Try some of the techniques here, or share your own. Life will always be hectic, if we center ourselves and breathe, we enjoy more, stress less. Release the angst, releases the stress. What feels right for you when you’re overwhelmed! Share share share your wonderfulness. (The rule of three)

Cool Beans, Motivational / Inspirational

Why Everything Gets Better With Coffee

May 12, 2016 hefurst 2 Comments

Custom blend

You had to know it was coming, There’s no doubt by now dear readers, that you know I’m a coffee junkie. I thrive on the smell, the taste, that eye opening first smooth sip at the crack of dawn. Before there is movement from any of my natives, I have sucked down enough caffeine to rev my engines. I often wonder if instead of blood, there is coffee running through my veins. I live on caffeine and adrenaline, and admit it my friends, most of you are the same.

Coffee is the most amazing drink around. I know very few people who can can get by without their morning beans, and perhaps even a pick me up cup or two later in the day. No worries my friends, it turns out science has proven that the humble coffee bean (roasted, soaked, ground, dripped, pressed or heaven forbid – instant) has some serious health benefits. Not only does that Java juice perk you up in the A.M., but it’s good for you! Finally, a good addiction. ☕️

Ladies, let’s talk first about those all powerful antioxidants. In 2005, a study showed that no fruit or veg comes close in the pursuit of antioxidants. Move over blueberries, the human body is believed to absorb the most antioxidants from coffee. As an added bonus, coffee has essential nutrients, and if like me you’re enjoying 3,4 5 or more cups per day, you’re doing yourself a HUGE favor. And now forsome numbers! sorry dear readers, but just to prove the point. According to the US RDA (recommended daily allowance) an 8 ounce cup of joe contains 11% of the RDA of Vitamin B2, 6% RDA Vitamin B5, 3% for manganese and potassium, (move over Chiquita Banana) and 2% RDA of magnesium and B3. Bottom line, when you reach the bottom of cup #4, you’ve reached your vitamin intake for the day.

Staying within the boundaries of health benefits, perhaps you have heard that drinking coffee lowers the risk of Type 2 Diabetes. Studies show that those who drink the most coffee (note my ever present IV, ha ha) have a 23-50% lower risk of developing this disease. Each cup consumed daily is associated with a reduced risk of 7%, and 7 is my lucky number!

Next, Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Serious coffee drinkers reduce their risk by nearly 65%! And the other nasty, Parkinson’s ? Well, coffee drinkers have a 60% lower chance of developing this neurodegenerative disease. NOTE: decaf drinkers do not fall into these categories. Black water is not beneficial, so keep on caffeinating!

So onto the Big C. Yes, coffee. I adore it, the smell, the taste, all these healthy benefits. Coffee can help prevent the Big C. It appears that the humble coffee bean and it’s caffeine content helps protect against liver and colorectal cancer, AND, my sun worshiping Goddesses, skin cancer as well. But please friends, if you have a family history, don’t give up the doctor visit.

All my GNO peeps, yes you my tequila, vodka and G&T drinkers – protect your liver! Keep those $15 pitchers coming, because drinkers of the magical bean have a much lower risk of developing cirrhosis. So raise that mug and toast to good friends, good times, margaritas and of course the morning after morning beans!

OK, now this is my favorite benefit. Not only does coffee wake you up, energize you and taste yummy, but it can make you smarter! The caffeine in the bean is the most commonly consumed psychoactive substance in the world. Coffee drinkers of the world unite and we can save mankind and the planet! The caffeine blocks Adenosine, (not one of those happy hormones, it’s an inhibitor) and it lets all those neurotransmitters run rampant and rapid fire synapses and cause big ideas! Amazing! Many controlled trials have proven that coffee improves memory, mood, vigilance and energy levels. Also reaction times and general cognitive function is improved. All bonus rewards in my book!

Now ladies, listen up. Coffee helps burn fat. All natural, it really helps. Honest. Metabolic rate can be increased up to 11%. So before that A.M. Run or night at the gym, chug-a-lug a mug of pure hi-test. Black is best, stay away from the sugar. Your benefit? Caffeine increases epinephrine levels, you know, the fight or flight hormones? Intense physical activity is now enhanced. So drink up and push yourself a bit….you can do it!

Coffee makes you happy. Period. Harvard University published a study in 2011 that found women who drink 4 or more cups of coffee a day have a 20% lower risk of depression. My friends, I am obviously the happiest girl in the world! Coffee de-stresses me (and you, admit it), in fact, just a whiff of those delightful beans can change your mood.

TO those of you who still think coffee is a nasty druggy habit, back off. While the caffeine does increase blood pressure, it’s such a teeny tiny bit. For regular imbibers, it levels out. There is also evidence that women who partake in the daily ritual of morning beans have a reduced rate of stroke and heart attack. Great news for all moms of teenaged demons. Keep it pure though, it increases longevity.

So to all of you non- caffeinated, black water drinking coffee lover imposters, beware. Those of us indulging in the ritual of morning beans are poised to be here for a long, long time. And we’ve only been getting smarter and healthier and happier. We kick butt at the gym, so don’t mess with us! Fellow java junkies rejoice, indulge, increase consumption of the magical elixir. Now that you know the benefits, will you step,up and drink more? Iced, hot or made into granitas, what’s your plan? Share your bean-y love and I promise rewards of virtual caffeinated coffee hugs.

Tips for writers

Scrape and Swipe : Content Thieves

May 10, 2016 hefurst 8 Comments

I’m wired a little differently than you my friends. Maybe I’m a little odd, and you see my madness, but you also see my gift. I have an incredible gift, and without sounding too stuck up (I’m really not) it’s the gift of words. I can tell you stories. I stand out, apart from the crowd, the observer, but certainly not as antisocial as I might seem. I’m researching everything around me, because I am a writer. I am often distracted by life, waiting on pins and needles with twitchy fingers. I am poised, waiting for the opportunity to write. My tools are pen and paper,, keyboards and ideas. I live to weave words together to send the stories to you dear readers. No pod casts, videos, etc. for me, at least not yet. Writing is my way of communicating to the world, of saying the things that would otherwise remain buried deep within.

I belong to a special tribe – you may be amongst my comrades: writers, artist, composers. We are the ones who function outside the box, and we are a part of something bigger. We talk to ourselves, scribbling on receipts, envelopes and even our forearms and legs (assuming you live somewhere warm). As artists, we are addicted to journals, notepads, favored writing and sketching implements. For me, it’s all about the ink color. You are nodding in agreement, smiling because you are the same. We writers are constantly listing, notating, typing cryptic notes in our phones, writing everywhere and anywhere, we are of the same tribe, and inspired by everything.

And now, some very bad news. We write, we post, we share. We create online books, links and blogs, impatient our homegrown, creative wisdom to our followers, hoping for more; but somebody wants our words. The blood of our souls, carefully crafted into sentences and ideas; our original thoughts plundered by those unsavory characters trolling the World Wide Web. Well my fellow bloggers, writers and artists, we may as well post a classified ad .

Calling all lazy, sneaky content thieves! Web and site scrapers look here! steal my content, get rich quick!

Once the ad has been shared, we might think about posting a small infomercial. Something like this:

Dishonest, lying thieves: Did you know that you can make money stealing other people’s hard work? No long hours, soul leeching or actual research or writing required. You can swipe the content off somebody else’s existing website. Yes, you can! Just stop by for a quick visit and duplicate the unsuspecting writer’s creative, personalized content. Get some ads! Steal their visitors. Raise your stats with a Spammy stolen site. And all free today. Act now and receive a special bonus.

OK. So you’re thinking this chick’s lost her mind. Nobody does this, right? WRONG! This practice is pretty rampant on the internet right now and is known as Site or Web Scraping. Ever searched Google for some info and ended up on a site where the main article is buried in a sea of ads and spam? It’s unclear to you who or what the site is, and there is no author listed or credited. You have now had the pleasure of visiting a scraped version of someone’s site.

The definition of web or site scraping, sometimes referred to as web harvesting, is a software technique that uses “bots” to extract information from websites. Google can be considered a content scraper, but it’s the evil hacking ones you need to worry about.

Malicious web scraping has become way too common. It affects many types of sites, bust most commonly those related to digital publishing and social media. My blogging buddies, we are under attack. In the past two weeks this very site has been scraped. Yes you Ukrainian content thieving hacks – I see you! So now what?

There are ways to protect yourself, a little tightening of the security belt, but no real permanent solutions (yet) for prohibiting scrapers. So how can you tell if you’re site is being attacked? Though I’m flattered by the Ukrainian devotion and attention, it is MY writing. I thought about it, researched it, felt it, organized and composed it, and put it up to share with my adoring fans. Yes, you dear readers. (Don’t fail me now!)

Alright, so how did I find out? Being so new to the blogging world, and maybe a bit overexcited about my beans being out there, I check my stats. A lot. On the past two days when my new posts were shared, my site traffic jumped. I was jumping with happy joyful squeals to have had over 2000 page reads. Then I noticed something. Sixty eight visitors did not read 1487 pages. I don’t even have that many pages, so something is rotten in the virtual state of Denmark. I looked, I investigated, and I found you out. Evil scraping site snatchers – I wish you static in your internet connections and viruses galore!

What’s a girl to do but call her hosting company. This is how I find out that this is a prevalent issue on the net. Fellow writers, bloggers, Etsy shop creative sorts and fellow Creative Superheroes – Beware! The best advice I can offer is to monitor your stats and check those IP addresses coming in, if it looks too superb and wonderful, it just may be. Now, ever vigilant and protective, (I’m calling on my mama bear instincts) when I see those thieving IP addresses I can block them from my site. Of course they’ll probably be back with a new one, so I will attempt to figure out their patterns so I can preempt their next attack.

The unfortunate truth, is that if you have awesome content, (and we all do) and your site presents information that can be accessed by a regular browser like Yahoo or Google, you’re at risk. If it’s easy for the average Jane to read, that same content can be nicked, swiped and stolen and reposted elsewhere. No credit of authorship, ownership or links to your original piece. It sucks, right? I did some homework, and though it’s just the tip of the info, perhaps we can all try (note that I say try) to stop the scrapers.

Rate limit individual IP addresses. Basically block the ones making unreasonable and too fast requests to your site.
if you monitor your stats carefully, you can block the nasty buggers through their IP addresses. Watch for patterns and attempt to preempt.
Use something called a CAPTCHA. I’m still unsure what this is, but apparently it separates the bots from the humans.
Be tricky. Embed information inside PDFs, media and make it more difficult for thieves to cull your content. Much easier when it’s a simple string of text. (And yes, this will be a job for my webmaster extraordinaire )
if you are exceptionally talented and know how to program or write code, change the HTML on a regular basis.mif your site is ever changing and inconsistent, it will be confusing to those content burglars. I am not so proficient, and keep in mind that it’s not necessary to completely redesign. Just change it up a bit.
This one I’m still researching. There’s something called a honeypot page. Wake your inner Pooh bear and create or have your we designer create) some of these pages. They are designed specifically for robots and web crawlers. (Sorry Spidey, best stick to NY).

Words flow through my arteries, and I am a unique and wonderful writer. ( Yes, yes, I’m gloating and patting myself on the back. Someone has to!) My original content is created constantly, day and night. Like you fellow bloggers, I would hate seeing my hard work on a SPAM site maybe on,y hours after I’ve posted. I have seen in my research where some poor victims complain that the SPAM site using their stolen content ranked higher than and/or had more site traffic and unique visitors than their own. I don’t have to describe the devastating feelings of frustration that follow.

Content scraping is a massive issue today, with someone using your work wothout permission, outranking your site and perhaps even monetizing your content and stealing your visitors. You can report them, if you can find them. Block them. Visit their site and look for a contact page. Legally you can demand that they remove your content. WordPress has some tips, but keep in mind the article is old. It may not be compatible with the latest upgraded versions. There is a website www.copyscape.com that checks your URL of your content and finds duplicates if they’re out there.Its basically a plagiarism checker. I believe the first few checks are free.

Anybody out there aware of these thieving black hearted content bandits? Any creative solutions or tried and true methods to prevent scraping? Please leave comments and suggestions. Let’s share some creative genius morning beans.

Stay caffeinated and safe my friends.☕️

Awareness, Journal / Gripes

Dangerous Liasons

May 5, 2016 hefurst 3 Comments

You’ve had a rough day. Nothing has gone smoothly and you’re relaxing with some coffee or wine and brain dead television. Then the phone rings. Seeing it’s a close friend, you answer, hoping for some giggles, gossip and a good schmooze. You say hello and then she hits you with the four most toxic, dangerous words ever compiled into a coherent sentence : ” I need a favor.” You begin to break out in a sweat, sigh, and of course step up. “Sure thing” you answer, not even thinking about it. It’s in your very nature, ingrained in your heart; be kind to all, especially those close to you. “No sweat,” you reply again, and then you need to break out your battle gear. Arm yourself, and sit back for the ride.

Helping a friend is almost always an automatic “yes” in our books. Once you accept the challenge, you wander around your place remembering all the things you forgot. A deadline, a vacation, or a holiday preparation that you’ve neglected. You start to wonder how you can morph into Superwoman and what to tackle first. You wonder about all those self-help articles about multitasking. This is a problem. It’s right there in plain sight, but like that movie protagonist, you don’t see it until it’s way too late. You overextend yourself, allow the bait of friendship and cameraderie to overtake all rational thought. You continue on this path of self destruction because like that horror heroine you cannot see the overall implications.

As always, I need to learn things the hard way. Helping people, while honorable and sometimes charitable, can be detrimental to your life. It’s that feeling after you’ve promised to be there and help out, that you realized you should never have accepted. Guilt does not allow you to renege. It’s a miserable feeling that can sap all your energy and motivation, and add more to your already overloaded schedule. Every “yes” is like a tiny glass marble, the more you add to the jar, the more you’ll feel the weight, and it eventually interferes with your life.

Human nature is to say yes to others in need. However, when you offer freely and with your whole heart to help others solve their issues, you neglect to consider yourself. You have lacked a consideration of your time, energy and sometimes leads you down a risky path. When someone asks for a favor, it calls to your softer side- your caring, giving nature. The problem is, even close friends can take advantage of you – a pro bono advisor who will stick their neck out for them. But, it can hurt to help others.

After some deep thought (yeah, that insomnia in action again) I realize that helping others, in general, has a certain subtlety. Let me elaborate. I think there are two distinct categories of need.

A Friend in Need: This is the friend who truly needs your help. They are in trouble financially, need help finding employment, or need life advice. This is the person who has nobody to turn to and their life is falling to pieces.

2. A Friend In Deed.: This is all the leftover crap. (Sorry, no other word suits here.) These are colleagues, people who would use you more for a luxury than a favor. If you don’t help,them, nothing earth shattering will happen in their world. Be liberal with saying “NO” here.

So what’s the monkey wrench in the tool box? Social ties.

As humans, we are not robots. We have emotions and connections because most of us are social creatures. (Some of us need to learn to stick with our own demons, it’s safer.) Naturally we want to help close friends and family, after all, aren’t we supposed to tend each other’s needs?

So … To help or not to help, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in thy mind to suffer the anger and accusations of friends for not offering your time, or to take arms against the favors, and by opposing them, end them. (Thanks Will, it resonates)

When you offer yourself to others, people will see you as an easy mark. If you learn to look after yourself, be selective in your “YES” answers to “do me a favor,” others will get the message. You are not a pushover and you will not feel entrapped and endangered by the consequences of favors. I’m not saying you should step back and never help those in need, but don’t let helping others become a liability. If you take anything away from these ramblings today, let it be this: Just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

Helping others should be a careful balancing act that leaves you feeling at peace. It should not leave you with agita.

Tell me about a time you overextended yourself or helped someone and it harmed you, or affected your life. All comments answered with alacrity, honesty and virtual coffee hugs. ☕️

Awareness, Journal / Gripes

Fractured Friendships

May 3, 2016 hefurst 4 Comments

Once Upon A Friendship
A poem and an open letter

Once we were friends.
We laughed, we carpooled, we hugged in the market.
Once you were happy.
We shared the dreams that mothers share for our children.
Once you were caring.
You asked about my moods, my hopes and dreams.
Once you were giving.
You shared smiles and walks and memories.
Once you were chatty.
We spoke for hours about everything and anything under the sun.
Once, you were my friend.

But then the storms came.

Once you were scared.
I listened and comforted your breaking heart.
Once you were worried.
I shared my strength and optimism with you.
Once you were sad.
I cheered you with a home grown pedicure and a sandwich.
Once you were alone.
I came and kept you company.
Once you were angry.
I reminded you to be thankful for all that was good.

But then the drought came

Once you smiled at me and said hello.
Now you snub me, looking down or to the wall. I see you.
Once you asked politely after me and mine.
Now you turn away, no better than a public shunning.
Once you said I was your friend.
Once you said you cared.
Once was a lifetime ago.

I won’t disguise my hurt, my confusion.
I won’t ask you.
I won’t stoop to that level.
I won’t think about you.

I wish you well in your travels.
I wish you true friendship.
I wish you peace of soul and happiness.
I wish you a clear conscience and true faith.

Because once you were my friend.

This poem began last week in my sleep. The words spinning in my semiconscious mind after seeing a friend at holiday services. We don’t speak anymore, just drifted I suppose, but I see she feels differently. Embarrassment, denial and some other emotions escape her careful countenance, as she alternately stares and avoids. I passed her earlier in the week while walking the dog. She was with two others, and a friendly hello and cameraderie known to early morning risers caused us to pause and chat for a moment. An uncomfortable moment when she turned her face to the sidewalk and continued walking without her companions. It took me a moment to register the emotion that invoked: relief, wistfulness, and wonder at her blatant snub.

I am that friend. The one who is always there when you’re in crisis. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’ve no problem cutting it open for you. I feel your pain, your need, your joy. I am compelled by some unseen force to be that sympathetic ear. I honestly feel God put me on Earth to help others. The penalty is my aloneness, which is not such a terrible fate.

But now, I am sorry, for you needful one. I am no longer your salvation, your doormat or your confidante. I feel an innate desire to be on my own has become obscured by you and other needful “friends.” I find myself avoiding the phone, the carpool moms, the social group activities. I am done riding your emotional roller coaster and being sapped of all spirit to help you my needy friend. I cannot solve your problems. That is on you.

I lost a friend. I lost several friends. Though some I question, the others are as if I dropped that daypack of stone-like supplies from my back. Now I can climb to the summit and be free. This friend, the one my dreams are writing about, is lost by separation. We were tossed together in the salad of carpool cameraderie, and somehow ended up friends. With little in common except a shared and forgotten career, we trudged forward. I didn’t see at first that you were clingy. You were emotionally charged and overloaded. I made myself available, expanded the room in my heart and extended not just the finger you needed, but the whole arm. You took it, held it, and dropped it. Shards of a tenuous friendship lay scattered as I moved on. I was less available and you took a job. You stopped looking for my sympathetic ear. I learned to say “hi, all good?” when we met and move on. You learned to widen your friendship circles and I learned that you were irrelevant. You relied on me to meet your emotional needs, but I didn’t need you. Now you’ve found another path and I wish you well on your journey. I know you cannot reciprocate.

I saw you turn away.; the public snub that screamed your wish for the power of invisibility. It is too much for you to politely say hello. I saw you looking at me from your mid -front spot at services. You turned round so often I wonder how you weren’t dizzy. I watched you from my last row seat. In the lobby you turned to the wall, rather than greet me even with a nod amongst the other women. You were the only silent one. But I forgive you. We’re not friends anymore.

I came to visit when your father passed away. I sat as you told me how thrilled you were that I was there to comfort you. How surprised but pleased you were to see me. You were apologetic and inquisitive. I was polite. You were exhausting, you were needy. I am a giver, of my time, my empathy, my self. That is my cross to bear as I once again extended that arm to you. But no more. You were frustrating; you heaped your emotional baggage onto my train and derailed me. You were unable to reciprocate when I was in need. And our friendship listed to the side, and slowly floated away.

I end here with these thoughts. I do not regret the time we shared, we each took away a learning experience. I am saddened that you feel I am one to be shunned. I keep your secrets even to this day. Sometimes by being generous with my self, needful friends take the whole arm and more. But I am stronger now. I don’t miss our friendship. You and I have moved on. Your issues no longer my emergencies, no guilt on my part when things don’t go to your plan. I am proud of you for branching out, for taking that job, for finding your comfort zone. I don’t miss you. No more making myself available in difficult times. I could never give you what you needed even though I helped you to stay focused.

No regrets.

But we’re not friends anymore.

Have you ever drifted apart from a close friend? Ever felt they took advantage of your kind spirit and generous nature? Please share your experiences in the comments.

Hugs and coffee for all ☕️💕

Uncategorized

Bloglovin

May 2, 2016 hefurst Leave a comment

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

For all those following on Bloglovin, now you can still find my new site there! 😃

Morning Beans Blog

Monthly Archives: May 2016

3 Ways to Create Your Own Happiness