Tag Archives: positive

Awareness, Motivational / Inspirational

5 Things to Stop Obsessing About

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Stressometer

I am a total stress junkie. It feels as if I’m missing something vital if I’m not obsessing over a to do list, or worrying about possible problems. And life with teenagers is chock full of problems, most of which get blown way out of proportion. My poor besieged besties, who take my calls and over coffee listen patiently to my crazed rants. And amazingly, they still love me and still take my calls. There’s a reason you guys are the best! ❤️ My incredible friends always remind me that there’s a bigger picture out there. Usually all it takes is a quick coffee date or a $15 pitcher or margaritas along with some silly laughs, sometimes at my expense. (Take it from me, NOBODY looks good with tequila shooting out their nose!🍸)

There is always going to be a reason to freak out. Life is full of anxiety induced events, from simple pondering a over what size coffee to have, to more complex issues involving finances, friends and family.  I really wish I knew in my 20’s what I know now. I would have saved myself a lot of aggravation and panic attacks. Bottom line, it’s just not worth the wasted energy. I mean, a full on panic attack, laying prone on the floor over an exam or a term project? Certainly there’s much more to the future than that. So, OK, yes, I still freak out, but I have learned (with loads of help) to find the positive side to everything. A survival tool? Maybe. But it’s all about learning to love myself,mmy faults, my eccentricities. I’m different, and that’s OK. I’ve made friends with those little voices of fear and doubt in my head, and the panic driven attacks are less frequent. Stop laughing, I know who you are, and where you are, don’t make me name names and come for you! 😂😘

And so dear readers, here’s my short list of things you can learn to control. Well, some of you might be able to stop obsessing, the rest of you may need more coffee therapy. ☕️

  1. Hair: My hair in its natural stet looks like someone plugged me into the wall socket. I could be the poster child for a good old fashioned Banshee. Forty minutes with a flat iron renders me human, but it sucks the energy right out from me, even with awesome tunes in the background. My solution : a ponytail or washing the tresses less often. Now now, don’t go all eeeeewwww gross on me. Lots of people with long, thick unruly hair wash it once to three times weekly. Not like I’m waiting six months between shampoos. But less drying time (literally takes 2-3 hours to air dry so it’s damp but dry enough to straighten) means less morning stressing out time, so I’m all in on this one. And the ponytail (incidentally the only style I’m capable of besides straightening) – you’d be amazed at how quickly you cause I flat iron a frizzy mane that’s pulled back into a semblance of wavy but normal looking hair.
  2. Job :  Yup, this is a biggie. I’ve learned that I need to follow my heart and my gut here. The right job WILL come along. It’s about putting myself out there, networking, connecting, hinting my craft and my skills. Not every job will be perfect, or the right fit, but we need to try and use them as learning experiences; stepping stones to a better future.
  3. Money : Perhaps this is the biggest, boldest obsession. Always $ signs
    worried? Me too. It’s alright to put yourself on a budget. Save your pennies for the big stuff you want – they do add up. There’s loads of free or low cost stuff out there for amusement, so don’t keep running to the bank every weekend for the bigger, better jollies. Try something local, low cost and invite your friends along.
  4. Accidents : Guilty. I’m not OCD enough to always remember if I’ve left the lights on, closed the garage door, put the milk away, etc. one of my kids used to leave the door to our extra fridge open just enough for the extra milk and cheese to get “warm-ish.  At first, I freaked out. Banshee lady scared the kid so much he cried, but he did forget again, so my mini freak meant nothing. Now, I handle it better. It’s not worth E. Coli or food poisoning. Just suck it up and toss the slimy stuff. Trust me, toss it and move on. I think this rule should apply to forgetfulness as well. Sometimes forgetting means it wasn’t really necessary at all.Toss it!

5. Things that could go wrong : Positivity. (Yes, should be in some dictionary by now) You are only stealing your own success by always focusing on the negative stuff. Stop imagining tragedy before it even peeps over the horizon, and live for each moment. The future is not really in your control. Never was. Because you, are not God. (Sorry to my atheistic readers, if any. Feel free to alter that sentence to your liking) The only power and control you own is in the here and now. Remember that.

Most things we stress, obsess and freak out over are things that we cannot control. It’s not in our power to change them. The few things we can control, we need to take charge over and do something about.  Set up a schedule, get a planner, make time for the inevitable mess ups that get tossed in your daily salad. Remember to never turn your personal power over to someone else. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. Don’t fuel your fears, and the fires will die down. Pinky swear.

Stressed out

Do you remember the last time you freaked out? Was it in your head? A full blown panic stricken meltdown? It wasn’t pretty was it? Share how you moved past it and surged ahead in the comments. I’ll keep sending those caffienated hugs back, but especially to my solid girls. You know who you are, and I couldn’t do any of this “stuff” without you having my back. Extra hugs, extra java love. ❤️☕️❤️

 

Motivational / Inspirational

Overwhelmed? Three Ways to Relax

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ScreechedStress. That six letter word that we toss about. Trying to make stress a taboo, we turn to yoga, meditation and other distractions, which often cause more stress.

I mean, how will we fit it all in to our already packed schedules? We all suffer through times when the simple, but multiple demands in our time and mental abilities are challenged. We are left feeling overwhelmed, empty, and bereft. We crack. We cry, we rage, we take a nap. Stressed.Stressed out

Let me sketch for you my friends, a scene from my daily life at its most overwhelming times. Every Sunday morning, I make a coffee, grab my favorite pen and my planner, and I fill it in for the week. I don’t schedule set times, just events. The only exceptions are doctor appointment – they frown on you if you show up at random. Each day is chock full of awesome things to do, beginning with a 5:15 am wake up, coffee, a walk with psycho puppy, lunch making and carpool. By 7:30 am I can breathe for a moment. The kids are safely in school, the house is quiet upon my return. No stress yet, unless of course I oversleep or one of the kids has a freak out, no doubt caused by universal turmoil such as a forgotten homework assignment or no clean PE uniform.

OK, so my day begins. Early morning grocery runs, laundry, help the hubby, write, take a seminar, check emails, write some more, remember that I forgot to eat, (God bless PB sandwiches) afternoon carpool, more errands, make dinner, check emails again, serve dinner, listen to complaints that I’m not a fast food chain, (apparently food should be fun) clean up, finish straightening up, let the birds out, check emails again, check site stats, relax for five minutes with Facebook until I pass out. And tomorrow it begins all,over again. Sort of like Groundhog Day, you’ve seen it, right?

Clearly, not everything pencilled in gets done every day. I do try, but then it hits me like a tsunami. An exhaustion so deep (remember friends, I have insomnia) I must stop and have a rest, and something to stop the terrible thirst and the pounding headache. Often, when I get back from that morning carpool, my day is revised to look more  like this : take a nap, at least a rest. Not so easy when your dog has a foot fetish and you despise socks. If it’s afternoon, there are locals drifting about the main level in search of the reclusive and elusive snack. (You know, the one that requires asking mom if there is any, and being temporarily blinded so she needs to get up and fetch it for you.) Don’t these kids see that I am an unintelligible mess? I feel that rubber band winding round inside, pulled so taut I might snap. And it’s back…stress.

We all feel it sometimes. The overwhelming elephant of life  that threatens to sit on us, and crush us. We are often unable to remove ourselves from the situation without melting down. (Think Three Mile Island or Chernobyl folks) We find that we can’t step back and shift our perspective, we can’t compose ourselves. We see red, we cry, we scream, we lose it. Now I know you’re all denying this, so I’ll venture to say that most it,Es, we internalize these feelings and rage in our brains. This brings us a lovely gift – more stress! We feed on those negative thoughts, spiraling out of control as reality slips from our grasp. We fall into a repetitive loop of loud, persistent migraine inducing words screaming in our minds. Do these sound familiar?
* “I’ll never finish everything.”
* “How will I get through this?”
* “My life is out of control.”
* “I just cannot function like this.”
So, what can you do? How can we get past these moments of pure stress and overloaded circuits when life can’t be put on hold? Let’s go back to my imaginary sketchpad again. I’m going to draw you a picture of some of the things I do, and some of the things I should do.
For me, feeling grounded in reality requires both my mind and body to be in sync. (I know, right? My besties are in hysterics now) Since I’m not a yoga freak or a gym rat (I know, you’d never guess, haha) it’s usually a walk. A long, aimless, mind numbing walk. Such a shame that life doesn’t afford me the luxury of these meandering walkabouts, but I can take a short walk around the neighborhood to get some clarity and peace.
Faithful followers, you have been amazing, and I love that you wait eagerly for my twice weekly posts and their words of wisdom. (Shh…let me believe this!) Those of you who’ve been with me for longer than a post or two know I’ve taken up meditation. I’m really new to it, and it’s still so hard to focus on that “glowing light in the center of my being” but it’s nice just to sit for a few minutes and listen to that relaxed voice lulling me to sleep…oops, I mean and enlightened state of being.  On my favorite site for health and meditations, there was an interview with a yoga instructor. He offered three good strategies for de-stressing that you can do anywhere. So next time you’re stressed, lounge around in the drivers seat, steer your trolley to the side of the aisle, and breathe. If you feel it’s one of “those” days, try one (or more) if these simple techniques. I know I will.
1. Breathe For Three:  A steady slow rate of breathing relaxes our muscles and our minds. It is apparently one of the foundations of yoga and meditation. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Inhale for a count of three, then slowly exhale for (yup, you guessed it) a count of three.  They, whoever they might be, say that this process relaxers the body in about a minute. A full sixty second minute.
2. Choose a Mantra:    Think of a few affirming phrases to repeat quietly to yourself. Some suggestions are “I can do this,” “this too shall pass,” and “it will get done when it gets done.”  Another option is to find a favorite motivational quote and repeat that to yourself. You might want to put it on post it notes around the house and car. And don’t forget to breathe.
3. A really good stretch :   Take the time to flex every muscle that you can. Lie down if possible and begin with your tootsies. Relax the toes, and visualize each and every muscle in your body. Slowly, one at a time. Picture the stress leaving each part of the body, moving up from your tiny toesies to be released through your glorious crown. I bet by the time you reach your midsection you’ll be surprised to see that a lot of the tightness and stress has departed for other fairgrounds.
I suppose the bottom line is to learn our limitations. Learn to say no. Putting yourself out there for others only adds more stress to your already chaotic life. By all means, don’t deny a sick friend a container of soup (if she lives across the street) or a ride home for her kid from school, but beware the bigger pond sucking favor seeking people. Your time is valuable and so are you. Less stress is less mess. Once we learn where our limits lie, and we are comfortable with them, we will learn to center ourselves. We learn to focus to reduce the oerwhekmjng stress and function more effectively. I think it’s time for a cup of de-stressing lovely coffee.Sanibel Heaven

Try some of the techniques here, or share your own. Life will always be hectic, if we center ourselves and breathe, we enjoy more, stress less. Release the angst, releases the stress. What feels right for you when you’re overwhelmed! Share share share your wonderfulness. (The rule of three)

Awareness, Motivational / Inspirational

The Art of Being Happy

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The art of being happyHappiness is not a given. It is a conscious decision we make every morning when we open our eyes to a brand new day. It’s a frame of mind, a reference point, and “happy” makes us feel good. This is due to “happy hormones.” Now,now, before you start thinking to yourself this chick is a nutter, let me explain.

What are “happy hormones?” These are scientifically proven hormones released by your body to make you feel and keep you feeling happy. Generally speaking, these happy hormones are endorphins, serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. Technically, some of these are neurotransmitters, but since I’m not a scientist, and most likely neither are you, let’s skip that fact for now. Let’s look at some of these – a mini science lesson from the most non-scientific person you’ll ever have the pleasure of knowing.

OK. Endorphins. We’ve all heard of these. All the healthy bloggers and magazines tell us about endorphins. They’re like instant miracle happiness – but, you have to work a little for that happy feeling. Bet you didn’t know that the word endorphin is a shortened term for “endogenous (meaning containing) morphine. Yup, we can sedate ourselves and float through life in a happy bubble. Historically, endorphins were the triggers that kept our troglodyte ancestors running even if they were in terrible pain, to escape from predators. The predecessor to treadmills and anaerobic exercise. So now armed with this information, to be happy and fit, we need to push on when we are exercising, because the endorphins will help us go the extra mile, and keep us from feeling those painful blisters and muscle strains until we are satisfied that we have worked out. We feel happy because we did something good for our bodies. Incidentally, if you’re lazy, eating spicy foods trigger endorphins as well. Proof positive, my hubby is happiest when consuming hot cherry peppers, spicy fish balls and of course (my admitted fave candy as well) Atomic red Hot Fireballs.

Moving along in Happy Science 101 – Serotonin. This is our social hormone. Yes, Chatty Patty’s of the world- this is the mood raising, agreeable happy hormone that makes us want to play nicely with others. A lack of serotonin means we are irritable and touchy and most likely depressed. So without seeing the local quack for some meds, how do we keep our serotonin levels up and our moods happy?

First and foremost- and this is my biggie- sunlight. People who live in sunny places or who spend a lot of time outdoors are generally happy people. Sunlight gives us Vitamin D, which in turn helps produce serotonin. So next time you’re feeling blue, get out there- take a walk, drive to the park or simply look out the window. Hopefully it wont be rainy.

Second- choose to be positive. Thinking happy thoughts, whether about past events or the present, cause our bodies to produce more of this happy hormone. It’s about being grateful.Your life is about the present- between now and the next breath you take – so make it count. Live each moment in full; be kind, peaceful – maybe meditate, and leave behind the fear and regret as best you can. They only bring you down, and that defeats the purpose of living a happy life.
Next, and this is my favorite- carbs carbs carbs. Carbohydrates contain something called tryptophan. Now I am not sure what this is, remember – I’m not a science geek, but foods like corn and milk have this amino acid (am I impressing you?) and it converts to serotonin. So grab some chips and salsa and be happy!

On to dopamine. I know we have all heard about this one…it rings a bell somewhere in the back of my mind. Dopamine is the pleasure hormone. It releases that pleasurable feeling to our bodies when we make ourselves a purposeful life. Setting goals and actually achieving them – having something to strive for increases dopamine production in the factory we call our body.Exercise fits into this equation nicely. After all, it is a long term goal, whether for weight loss or the health benefits. Sacrifice some time to work out and feel happy. Yes, I know, I said that already, but you see it’s a bonus. Two endorphins for the price of one- double happiness! Besides, all of the sacrifices you make today will pay off huge dividends in your future. (Now I sound like I live with a financial planning person – and I do!) Working to achieve any goal or dream takes a commitment, When you reach that goal, the lost weight, success in your career, the end of the hike up the rocky mountain – you are happy!

I would be remiss if I didn’t add in that happiness is feeling good about yourself without needing anyone else’s approval. Once you feel worthwhile in your own right, you can confidently look at others and feel true happiness. Which brings me to that last endorphin, oxytocin. Sounds like a laundry detergent to me, but here’s what I learned about it.

This is the love hormone- the give me a big fat bear hug so I feel good loving hormone. Oxytocin helps to provide feelings of trust, companionship and love. It’s one of the reasons we are happy in relationships.So here’s how to boost your happy and feel the love. Physical contact. I know – but it’s true. Huggy people are happy people. One of my favorite people on the planet is a hugger and she admits it. And she is pretty cheerful even when life throws crates of lemons at her. So if you need a happy boost- reach out and hug someone- a friend, your kid (even if they’re a stubborn sulky teenager) or your pet. Unless it’s a fish or a snake. That could be tricky.

Of course you could be one of those people who like to be touched. If you’re that type of sensory person, get a massage. Shiatsu, Swedish or a foot massage at one of those new Tao parlors springing up all over the place; massages are not just for those with too much time on their hands. Massage creates a physical relaxation of muscles, and this in turn makes us feel emotionally calm and well. That prolonged feeling of well being from the physical motion of muscle movement releases oxytocin and makes you feel happy.

Bottom line: Happiness is doable for all of us. Let’s be grateful for all the happy hormones nature has implanted in our bodies – our happiness temples so to speak. Don’t get me wrong – not everyone can be happy all the time, but it’s comforting to know that as humans we are geared towards happy feelings and general happiness and contentment.

Wow. I feel like I just taught a class in happiness survival. What makes you happy? Coffee, art, writing? Family, friends, the gym? Feel free to post a comment. I promise to reward you with a feel good, squishy virtual hug and a smiley face.